Am I being unreasonable

Let me set the scene. My stbx and i separated 18 months ago due to me having an affair. My stbx still lives in the matrimonial home which up until December 2009 i paid half the mortgage for.
Married for just over 4 years at time of separation. No children, no other dependents and both in full time work with a variance in salary of 13k in my favour.
Through her solicitor she is asking for 100% of the house and £20,000 lump sum, or £300 per month maintenance for 5 years or £26,000 from my pension. (final salary scheme pension).
My solicitor says she is being completely unreasonable in her demands and offered round table mediation. Her solicitors have ignored all requests for voluntary disclosure and round table mediation so i have now been forced to file for Financial Application through the courts.
My head is going round and round and round. I keep telling myself that the court will divide the assets fairly etc but i physically cannot afford her demands. In effect she would walk away with approx £96,000 cashable value and i would walk away with a debt of somewhere near £30,000 plus no equity or cash value at all.
Any thoughts?

sounds a bit much after only 4 years marriage...im not even asking for that mch after 27!! but each situation is different I guess.....why maintenance? she works full time...someone will be long who knows more than me soon....but it does seem way to much on her part!

Thank you for the reply. The maintenance angle comes from "the lifestyle she was accustomed to and promised" therefore she needs this sum of money to survive?
I offered her 100% of the house in lieu of my pension but she said this was not good enough.
We did go to mediation (at her request) however she told me afterwards that she didnt want to go and therefore had phoned the mediator who said come along anyway. He also suggested that the house be transferred into her name in lieu of my pension and in his view this was generous on my side as he felt i was entitled to some capital from it.
She is clearly not being honest about what she earns and her solicitors far from encouraging continued communication have advised against it, where as my solicitor says the more lines of communication open the better.
I am very frustrated. I just want to move on and I want her to be able to move on too. I understand she wants revenge but this is just pointless, costly and just as stressful to her as well as me.

Okay - slow down! I was married for 3.5 years - no kids and a significant disparity in income so I know something about this.

More details please:

1) Your ages.
2) Assets and debts.
3) Incomes.
4) How long were you cohabiting before the marriage?

Hi, in answer to the questions,

1) We were cohabiting for three and a half years before marriage.
2) I earn 15k a year more than she earns although she hasn't disclosed her current earnings and has been promoted since.
3) the only debt is the mortgage.
4) i dont have any savings
5) she has two small pension schemes, i have a final salary scheme.
6) i am 34 she is 40.

Okay - from what I gathered during my case, the salient facts are:

1) This is a short marriage - 4 years, continuous cohabitation period of about 7 years.
2) No children.
3) No career sacrifice from either party for the benefit of the marriage (e.g. giving up job to "build the home").
4) All assets & debts are built up during the lifetime of the marriage.
5) Both partners are young enough to have subsequent successful lives and careers.

What you don't state is her Absolute salary... if she earns £10K pa and you get £25K pa, then she might have a claim on the ground of "needs", if she earns £30K pa then she can't make that claim! Even so, the claim should only last for a year of "transitional support" at maximum.

The almost absolute rule (and VERY easy for the judges) for this case is: Clean Break and 50/50. All assets & debts were built up during the relationship (probably including the CETV of pensions, which at your age shouldn't be much) so all assets & debts should be split equally.

The claim of "the lifestyle she was accustomed to" has a vague validity in court (which is why there should be a short transition period where financial assistance is available to the weaker party - I notice that you continued to pay the mortgage until December) but the " and promised" has already been laughed out of court on more high profile cases than yours.


So, stick to your guns, go for 50/50 on ALL assets and - if you're worried about debt - go for a pension adjustment order instead.
If she continues to be unreasonable, then go for a quick FDR.

If you're still concerned, drop me a private message and I'll tell you about my case.