My thoughts for today

So the weekend passed with no major incidents which made a nice change to be honest. Not all weekends are the same then? Today I’m suffering from a severe hang over – serves me right – got bladdered yesterday. It was fun at the time though. So maybe for that reason this is all coming out here.

I wish that when I started to write there was something witty and fun to put down into words. It seems that all I write about is doom gloom and despondency. Lost love and life hahaha oh well maybe I shouldn’t be so negative about things. Maybe I should just write about me? Run myself down for a change and not stbx. Am sure that would be better and people would then see things from his point of view. I don’t do that apparently so people don’t get to know what a cow I am really, a liar, a sneaky b!tch, two faced, cold, heartless.

Because you see, again according to him, I’ve painted the blackest picture of him that I possibly can. I don’t tell the truth about myself, don’t tell people the real reason we don’t get on. The fact that I have no love in me and that I put a wall up around me and will not let anyone over or through that wall. I don’t tell people that on one occasion when we were arguing I told him that if he wanted sex then he should go find a prostitute because I certainly didn’t want him to touch me as I wasn’t interested. Harsh words, which he has never forgotten and reminds me of this fact every time we argue, which is most days at the moment. Callous B!tch I think were the exact words he had used in the past. But when you are cornered and nowhere to run, don’t you give back just as good as you get? Or do you just cower in a heap and let people walk all over you? No am sorry – I won’t be stood on or walked over anymore, I’ve had enough of that in my life.

Maybe I should start being selfish and put myself first for once. Make myself number one for a change from now on and stop putting everyone else and their feelings before my own. After all I don’t seem to get any thanks from anyone else for being concerned about them or how they may be feeling. I just get blamed for everything that goes wrong. See now maybe I should build a real wall around me and hem myself in and not let anyone near me. Oooh what an idea that is, to live life as a recluse, speak to no one and have no one speak to me. Hell, that way I won’t get hurt will I? And for that matter won’t be able to hurt others.

I just seem to be doing that lately, putting my foot (feet) in it and not thinking before speaking. Doesn’t get you anywhere believe me – only unhappiness for yourself and those you’ve hurt on the way.

Sorry guys am probably just feeling sorry for myself due to the withdrawal symptoms from yesterday hahahaha I shall probably be back to my normal stupid, idiotic self later and laugh about it, well am hoping so.

Hi Sue. Interesting post and thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Self blame is no good. It doesnt help you at all. Doing good things for others is very good. But dont expect thanks. Thats not what it should be about. But it is nice to have a thanks now and again. In this world there seems to be 2 kinds of people. The givers and the takers. The people that give and take at the same time are out there though. They are usualy based on givers.

In your situation anything you say or do can and will be turned round and used against you. Thats common. My sister taught me how to reply in silence. When you are being pushed in a corner just dont reply. If you have to, reply in your head. That way you cant be pulled up on what you dont say. But things are used against you and there is nothing you can do about it. Just breathing is an opertunity for use against you.

When I was living in the house of hell there was a problem with the internet. I said "raise a call with the supplier to get them to check it". The youngest step kid (who hated me with a vengance) checked the connections on the equipment and found a plug half hanging out. This was imeadiatly layed at my door for sabotaging it. They forgot that I also used the same equipment and why would I do this? But my ex was hell bent on turning the step kids against me so that new BF could be dad. I wasnt surprised at all.

So dont worry. If someome wants rid of you its not that hard to paint a black picture. But you know the truth and thats the most important thing. Hope your headache goes. LOL. C

more wise words from marshy, cant get thru my days without you at moment, keep it coming hun

hey sue, we share all the same vile qualities
oh god bless our poor x's they put up with so much for so long, yeh whatever.

we will get on with our lives and they can get over themselves, (((((sue)))))

take care,,debs