Daughter Getting Married but a Stumbling Block

Hi,

I got divorced many years and althoughmy wife was and stillan alcoholic i tried to stay in my childrens lives.

I have always been aware that my daughter used my ex-wifes Maiden Name, my daughter been young never really knew any different.

However, I have now found out that my wife changed my daughters name by Deed Poll without me knowing.

I'm not happy about this and told my daughter that i want her name changed back, even though i know that it will change again when she gets married but i have also told her that it would be hard for me to give her away when she does not use my name.

I'm more interested in how a person can do this without me knowing when joint custody was awarded. Am i able to get transcripts of the change, is there any checks or di she just lie and get away with it

Hi

At what age did your daughter have her name changed?
And how old is she now?

zara

I had a joint custody agreement; and my ex changed my sons doctor, dentist, took over my Child Benefit, and signed him away under Military Jurisdiction at 16(as an Air Cadet) and ten YEARS of co-parenting, no one thought to ask me (the childs mother!)about any of it.

Not sure how your situation stands; but I would check to see which name your daughter prefers; and her used name should not affect you giving her away at her wedding.

You might have to put your Fatherly pride before your annoyance at your ex wife.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of this, your daughter is still your daughter and your name will be on her birth and marriage certificates.

She is used to being known by her other surname now and presumably is of an age to decide for herself.

Hi All,

Thanks for the responses, I suppose I better expand a bit. My daughter is now 24, all her life she has used her mothers name even though her older brother by 1 year took my name.

I tried not to create a fuss and sent all cards, etc to her christened name. I knew she knew the difference but it was her mother who registered her everywhere under her maiden name.

It is only in the last few weeks (when I took them abroad) that i ralised that my ex actually legally changed my daughters name at the age of 8 but not my son who was 9.

Perhaps I'm directing my anger in the wrong direction but I'm annoyed that my daughter didn't tell me and even more annoyed at my ex for in a sense declaring me absent when I was always there for my children.

I wish I could reverse it all but in the end only my daughter can do that.

Listening to a priest using her maiden name when I'm stood next to her makes it sound all wrong.

Nothing I know will change it's just that I'm angry that@s all.

Why did she change your daughter's name and not your son's?
Could it be daughter wanted same name as mother?
What is more important is what SHE wants and that her wedding is not spoiled by what my sister would say is just a "meaningless" word. her name is her forename.

Sorry, I understand how hurtful it is. We all have my husband's name. I keep it as I want to have the same name as my boys and they want his name. But it is just a word.

Names are very emotive and i do understand how upset you feel. But your ex DIDN'T change your son's name, maybe she felt one child would keep your name and one wouldn't.

Your daughter presumably wants you at her wedding to give her away? That's what matters.

Are you cross because your daughter doesn't have your name? What does that mean to you? Many women have children who have their husband's name, not their's. When your daughter marries she won't have your name either.

Are you more angry with your ex or your daughter?