hi welcome to my nightmare so far!

I have been married for three and half years and have two children the youngest being 3 months old. I met my husband about twelve years ago and we were friends for many years. A couple of weeks ago i hired a PI and was very surprised at the information revealed about my husband. He was going out with a woman whom he has probably been going out with for a few years. As my husband was using my car that day i placed a digital recording device in my car and was so shocked at the outcome. My husband and this woman had a very intimate relationship. A lot of the tone of the conversation was of a sexual nature and they mentioned about cocaine and taking it and also they discussed going on holiday and where would they get the money from and in this case they mentioned my father in derogratory terms as a way of getting money. My life has been turned upside down. My husband has changed especially so since i got pregnant with my first child. He is emotionally abusive and did retort to violence when i was pregnant with my second child. I talked to a barrister friend and she told me to remove all my paper from marital home which i did. And the day after the I received the information from the PI, my husband was looking through my paperwork and started to get irate where some papers were. He said that i was doing something behind his back and so i retorted what like going to see a certain play and eating out at certain restaurant and i mentioned the woman's name in question. He could not answer me and and he removed his personal objects from the house and before leaving threatened to take my kids and house away from me. I saw my solicitor and have been to court and obtained a prohibited steps order and am filing for divorce. My husband did not contact me for two and half weeks and two days ago he sent a text saying about me not wasting my money and that we could sort this mess out and asked about the kids. I did not reply to this text. Then my husband's cousin rang and i told him that he did not know the whole story and that he should wait for the divorce petition. Then my sister in law (a solicitor) text me saying what a bitter twisted bitch i was and that her brother could do a hundred times better and that i was pathetic and a poor excuse as a wife and mother and he had the best legal team and that they would fight my lies.

I am hard working professional who worked till the week i gave birth as we always had money problems i wasn't sure the money was going now i know it was used by my husband to take his girlfriend out and used on drugs. My husband has not helped me financially throughout the marriage, I am the main breadwinner and main carer for my children with support from my family.

What should i do about my inlaws as they do not know the whole story.

Not your problem, they will find out the truth in due course. That way it will come from someone else, presumably his ace legal team (I assume his sister and associates) and you will come across as someone who chose not to wash her ex's dirty linen in public rather than someone with an axe to grind.
If his legal team is that ace he wouldn't be trying to get you to settle now. You can still do that, but only after you have taken legal advice as to what to pursue/ask for. Let him stew, let the in-laws wait, nothing you can do or say at this stage will dissuade them from the view that their son is perfect. It's human nature so stop fretting over it.
He's done a very bad thing. Now he has to pay up.
Good luck, and hang in there, it will get better eventually.

Hi anna

Sorry to her what has happened. It must be so difficult especially with the children being so young, and I really feel for you.

If your inlaws are like mine it will not matter whether they know the whole story or not. I had always got on well with my in-laws and was getting on well with them during the phase before my and the stbx separated and then after we had separated. But my stbx didn't like this and started to twist things. I remember my father-in-law ringing me up once swearing at me down the phone because the stbx had gone to them with a twisted story. I just said to him 'G do you want to know the facts?' and he just said 'No, I don't want to hear the f***ing facts' and hung up. I've not spoken to them since. Blood is thicker that water!

I hope you have friends and family to support you? You will also get lots of advice and support here.

Take care

S

Hi Anna
Welcome to Wikivorce

I don't think you do anything about your in-laws. they are his family... they will believe what they want to believe and any attempts on your part to dissuade them of that will likely either fall on deaf ears or, worse, make things pretty ugly between you. Since there are children involved, and your in-laws are family to the children, I honestly would leave well alone. I was very close to my father in law but, once I left my ex, f-i-l didn't speak to me again (20 yrs!) and died 2 years ago. He never wanted to know why I left.

Judging from what you've said, you have enough on your plate anyway. As awful as your situation sounds, I would be thankful that you found out now and not wasted the next 20 years or so...

There are lots of peeps here who are going through something similar and we are a very supportive community. Well done on finding your way here

Shezi

Hi Anna

Don't let his in laws get to you, it often happens that when it is good in your marriage, relatives are lovely, when it turns sour, so do they. Personally I think anyone who does this is silly to take 'sides', as they never know if the said couple will stay apart.

Best to stay above it and not to rise to the same, as I am sure you will not. You then get to feel better within yourself.

You are bound to feel some angst and acrimony, but vent it away from anyone to do with him, you will get unbiased support that way, that in itself will help your road to emotional recovery.

Sorry to hear about what you had to go through to satisfy your uncertainties about your husband. That must have been quite some emotional shock to you.

This is a virtual Wiki-hug for you, we give them out a lot here on Wiki >>>> (((((Anna)))))

Welcome to Wiki Anna, this is a good place for you to come for the support and help that you need right now.

Take care
79fw

Anna

(my stbx's name!) - completely agree agree with 79FW - they (in laws') turn against you also - read my posts and you'll see - but, WELCOME to WIKI - you'll find lots of support here - be brave, though many of don't know you yet, you are one of our family!

dd

thanks for your messages of support and welcome. I really appreciate them. I signed my petition for divorce yesterday. So we will see what happens.