The long and winding road

I am almost 10 years into an acromonious separation/divorce and have never found the mental resources to finally go through with it due to the stress that the situation creates.

I have two children, now 24 and 19 and they lived with me in the MH until going on to higher education. During this time I had only one year of maintenance for the children, and the CSA were involved and have been ever since as I had to claim income support for 3 or 4 months following a heart attack. The CSA have taken out a liability order for £7.5K arrears (the huge total of £20 per week!) but payment is still being avoided.

The assets, i.e. house, 2nd home (subsequently sold and revalued at sale price), endowment, pension, etc. were all valued and I expected a 50/50 cut with child maintenance during the years of the childrens' education. My ex has argued, delayed, lied, and the frustration of the situation caused a huge amount of stress over the years. My doctor feels that I have to get things finalised but I am worried about the financial settlement now the children have grown up. What do you think?

Hi. Welcolm to wiki. Yea I agree with you. Settle for what you can. Have a compromise in yr pocket. You should have done this 10 years ago. Its not worth the waste of life fighting any longer. Time to cut yr losses. Thats what I would do. Yr life is worth more than any money you will ever get. C

Hi there

what a terrible time youve had and how exhausting for it all to go on so long .

I agree with marshy , get out with whatever you can and try and get on with your life .

If youre worried about what the financial outcome might be , do your best to find out the best and worst case and get things moving .

If you post up details of your finances someone here will be able to give you some guidance on what you might come away with . You can also get a free half hour with some solicitors who should be able to give you an idea of how things might go .

good luck

shiny

Oh you poor thing! All this time and it's still not settled...

I don't know how you've managed to keep it together for all that time, but well done! To have seen your children grow up and know you are entirely responsible for them is a huge achievement, and I hope you are proud of yourself for that ( and if you are proud of them, you are automatically entitled to be proud of yourself )

I hope you find someway of this ending soon, and that someone here can offer you some good advice!

Alison x

Hi Slopalongplacidly

Welcome to wiki.

10 years is a hellva long time to wait for "closure".

I can understand that not receiving a financial settlement or any child maintaince will be very frustrating and unfair - but I think in the interests of your health you need to close this chapter of your life for good.

It has been you that has supported your children all these years, they will know that, know the sacrifices you will have made for them. You cant turn the clock back, and whhile Im sure the money would have made a huge difference at the time, the fact is that you got on with life and did the very best for your children - that is something that money cant buy.

You should try to seek some legal advice regarding the spilt of the marital assests. In Scotland, all finacial matters have to be agreed upon before a divorce action can commence. As you dont have children under the age of 16, you can use the Simplified Procedure, citing 24 months non-cohabitation as your grounds for divorce, its something you can do yourself, the form in simple enough to fill in without the aid of a solicitor.

Let us know how you get on with, and what you decide to do.

Ruby