Does it really get better!

Hi have just joined this site, and its the first time since my divorce started I don't feel like I am the only one going through it all.

Its a very sad that after 19 years of being with someone that it ends in away that makes you feels so hopeless and afraid.

My stbx husband left me for my friend that I had known all my life. I have no problems with because I was relived that he went. And after two years of being made to feel that everything you did was wrong it was a blessing. But like all stories it wasn't always like that and he was a good man and a good father.

I have more of a problem that he no longer wants contact with our three children 15, 12, & 10 . Things have got worse as the months have gone by, I worked for him so after he left my first priority I thought was to find employment (which I did do, but he company went bust and am back on the search).

Tried to keep things stable and reassured the children that we both love them and its all going to be fine. When he left he said he would provide for children until I got settled but very quickly after leaving the money stopped (because he has a bad back and cant work) and the visits to the children stopped as well. He phones them every so often and refuses to see them even though they ask to see him. Watching the pain and hurt they are going through is unbearable.

He is stalling on the financial statement and refused to have the house and the business valued.

I am lost for words at it all and have no understanding how it got to this. As I keep being told that its his loss and one day he will regret what he has done lol, but at moment I don't care what he goes through later. Just want him to stop hurting the children now. I have tried talking and explaining to him about it all but it has made no change in his behavior.

Just need hope that it does get better!

Hi and welcome to Wiki

Im sorry you have to go through all of this. it is not pleasant especially when kids are involved and suffer because of all of this.

one thing i will tell you - yes it does get better!!! it might be a long road with ups and down, but bit by bit you will move on. Continue focusing on you and the kids. Browse the forums and do come in the chat room. There is alot of support here!!

take care!
clay x

Hi

Welcome to Wikivorce, the place where no one expects to have to use! You will find advice support, and friendship here as we are all in the same boat, just at different stages.

Well like my name for this site says, it does get better! For you in the situation you are in now with no work, and with an idiot of an ex things can only get better!

I have been going through my divorce for what seems like an eternity since finding about my wife's affair in July 2007. We had been married 18 years at that time and I (nor anyone else was not aware she was unhappy). The problem she had was not fixable (a mid life crisis if you believe in them) so divorce turned out to be the only option!

I'm also currently out of work as I was made redundant a few weeks ago. I still live in the marital home with the kids, whilst she is off 'being me', and having the kids some of the time. The house is on the market as I can't afford to buy her out.....but I feel happier now than I did for the last few years of the marriage!

It takes a while to realise that the time you were married wasn't all brilliant as it seems a natural thing to blindly want back what you have lost. Then you start to get over the feeling of missing the ex.

Your situation is different though with regard to your exs lack of contact with the kids. I don't know what to suggest there other than to say that he is an idiot!! My ex had little to do with the kids when she first moved out, but after a while she realised her tax credits claims wouldn't work if I had the kids most of the time so she pushed for equal contact which is what we have now, but there are sometimes issues around her not being there for the kids enough.

Have you spoken to the children about what is going on? As you have found talking to the ex is like talking to a brick wall!

Take care

S

Thanks for that!
Becky

Hi, Thanks for that,

I know it will get better but its just the waiting that's driving me mad lol.

I don't miss the ex not at all, but the kids do! And I hate looking on the dark side but sometimes it just pops out. My ex left in April 2008 but only told the children about being with my ex-friend just before Christmas, when he stopped seeing children.

Yep have spoken to children and they are good kids. There the ones that keep me together and give me a reason to get up in the morning.

Hope all gets sorted with you, the house thing, but its a crapper when you lose your job. Its nice to hear that you are happy now and it gives me hope so thanks.

x B

hi im new on this site and im shocked at the amount of people that say they were married for 18 yrs then partner bang !! had a affair.

That exactly what happened to me on the 2nd sept 2006 my world fell apart like yours is now ,happily married 2 boys it shocked everyone.. but chin up and your be pleased to know it does get better with time . One thing i realised by being on this site these last few days is how much my life has moved on with respect to the pain i was first in.

Trust me alot of good comes out of bad . 2 yrs on i now thank my husband for leaving me as i found my happy bubbly self again.im a better person and appriciate the little things in life more.

Your kids will be fine they have you and they will keep you strong if it was not for my kids i would of given up many times.

Think positive and just believe me when i say things happen for a reason your see it will get better

good luck and every day just smile and be strong xxx