New to forum, lonely, devasted & scared....

Hi,

Wow, I feel so shocked and devastated to even be just typing this.

I was not married to my partner, but so many of your stories ring true with me. We were together for over 11 years since I was 16. He was my whole world and I loved him dearly.

We moved in together about four years ago. Looking back to Christmas 2008, his behaviour had already started to change towards me slightly which I did notice, but didn't feel it was anything major. He was very stressed out with work (or so he said).

Then, one morning in the beginning of February, I challenged him (don't know why I felt compelled to do this, but I did) about why he never said he loved me any more without me saying it first. I said that he never gave me a hug without me asking for one. He went very quiet, and I panicked saying 'do you even still love me?' and his response was 'I haven't decided yet'

Ouch. Before that (or after - can't remember for some reason), we had an argument over him wanting to move hundreds of miles away for a change of job/career. He never actually told me he really wanted to consider it - more like tried to beat me down with all the reasons that he thought I should go. He didn't see that it was a big decision for me at all. During this argument I got more and more upset until he said he was finishing with me. I was stunned and, of course, even more upset. I cried so hard and he just sat there like stone.

That night, he didn't want to sleep in the same bed but we did in the end (maybe I was still in shock, but I wanted to be near him). He wouldn't allow any physical contact at all, not even a cuddle even though I was devastated and he had always been there for me before.

Then he disappeared all weekend to his new house and came back in the night on Sunday. He seemed very angry with me and was really horrible to me, even though I was breaking my heart.

It has now been seven weeks (feels like much longer) and he stopped answering the phone to me a few weeks ago.

The pain sometimes feels like too much to bear. I've always been shy and don't have many friends. The ones I do have are kind, but they can't help me.

I can't see myself coming to a level of peace and acceptance with this horrible situation, though people keep trying to tell me it comes with time. I'm so lonely, hurt and miserable. And I'm still shocked that the person I loved so much could hurt me like this. I've lost all my faith in humankind Thanks for reading if you got this far. I would tell you a bit about myself, but I'm not sure who I am at the moment, aside from an empty shell.

Artykoala (((big hugs)))

All you can do it take this minute by minute if that is all you can stand. Try to do something to look after you; take some exercise, meet a girlfriend, have a bubble bath... none of these will stop that knot in your throat or the churning in your stomach or the fuzzy cotton wool head but they will remind you that only you can take care of you at this moment in time.

Get into chat, post on the forum and blog your thoughts if that will make sense of the jumbled up emotions you are feeling.

We all have shattered hearts on here and have no magic answers.

All we can offer is love, acceptance and the chance to take your mind away from the reality you are in with some rather base (yet humerous) chats in the wiki lounge...

Take care xx

huge hug to you
Its such a horrible place to be in and so many of us have been there.
It really hurts .
Do something nice for yourself come on here, phone a friend or relative, talk to someone and dont try and do this alone.
take each day with a little step forward, know that you are not alone even though your heart and world has been destroyed.
We are here for you.
with loving thoughts
GF xx

((((Arty)))) Huge hugs for you.
It doesnt matter if you were married or not - you were a couple.

You will get lots of support on here to help you through the emotional shock.

The being horrible to you bit is just his guilt showing itself.

Please come into chat and just join in whenever you feel ready - sometimes it is serious & sometimes it can be a bit manic but we are all there for you - especially if you find making friends difficult in the outside world

(((HUGS)))

welcome to the forum. You have known this chap all your adult life so it is not surprising that you are so upset.

It will get better with time, honest.

But now you have to go through the rotten feelings.

I suspect he was angry with you because it saved him from feeling guilty.

Don't waste time thinking about him, concentrate on your future. Now it seems bleak, but believe me you have a world of opportunity ahead of you.

welcome and i am sorry you had to be here at all.

it is all raw still and will be for some time yet. dont beat yourself up about feeling bad, take one day at a time.

this is a very supportive place so come here as often as you need.

take care.

hi arty ((((hugs)))))

it is heartbreaking to find yourself in this situation, i know only too well.
there are so many questions you want to ask him/her.
this site will be a great help to you in the coming weeks and beyond.
family and friends , though well meaning just don't understand unless they to have been through it themselves.
take it slow and day by day.

look after yourself hun, chris xx