New to forum, lonely, devasted & scared....

My husband was vile to me and i could'nt understand why until i realised he was feeling guilty over his affair and made it easier for him to blame me for everything. He will say sorry one day for his bad behaviour. Look after yourself, listen to music, go shopping, redecorate, go running, anything for yourself as you come first xxx

Thank you so much lovely people - it helps a lot to know that I'm not alone

God I feel heartfelt sorry for you, but I certainly can empathise with you at this stage. I just stumbled on this site today also, having just found out that my fabulous, warm and loving husband has been having an affair for the past 3 months that I was'nt aware of. Its came like a bolt of the blue although his personality had changed over the last 6 weeks or so. I put him out on Sunday after he told me he loved her but still loved me (whats that all about) I have all the different emotions also, hurt, sad, deceived, angry need I say more!! Im lucky I have a fab family and friends but I still feel I just want him. Feel my life is empty just now but know with time and support I will be the stronger person of us both. I still have my son (17) who is disgusted with his dad, but loves him all the same. I just dont get it as I thought we had a happy loving relationship and Im sure his c**ck has ruled his head in this, but excuses, excuses. i cant sit back and wait for him to come back to me ,instead im going to leave him to come (hopefully) to his senses and see where If anyplace we go from there. Thinking about all of you on this site and am glad ive stumbled on it. x

Welcome to wikivorce Art... and to you too nurses

It's a dreadful thing that brings us here - but there is a lot of support and information at wiki.

Arty... don't do anything for a while - nothing is going to make you feel better immediately. I agree you are probably in shock right now but that initial feeling will wear off. Anger will probably kick in too at some point and, whilst this may bring you some energy, try not to make any huge decisions based on it.

I can't help feeling there's a missing part of the puzzle here. Is this really out of character for him?

Shezi

Hi Artykoala,

I have great sympathy for what you are going through and i can relate to your situation as i have recently been left by my wife of only 5 months.

I have found great strength from friends and family recently and i am refusing to sit around moping about and being depressed. I must admit that the pain and the feeling of emptyness is the worst thing that i've ever felt but i know that it will get better in time. I feel better this week than i did last so i suppose that's progress.

Most partners who are cheated on or loved often react by blaming themselves and begging for another chance, but the fact is, you are not the one to have left and given up on the relationship so it is not you who should stop living and feel terrible and waste a year or 2 of your life.

This site has already offered me some great support and there are some very nice people on here.

Take Care

XX

Dear Arty,
i really feel your pain, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. My husband of 22 years left me on New years day out of the blue, saying he doesn't love me anymore. he came back after 4 weeks for 1 week, then left again ( 5 weeks ago)and I have had no contact, mainly for my own sanity, as I know that talking to him will just hurt more, as he has made his decision. He was never nasty to me, and that must be really hard, but I think you have to believe that this is something that is his problem and nothing to do with you. I completely understand how hard each day is, just waking up and facing it all again, and then having to somehow get through the day, but each day that you get through you need to give yourself a huge pat on the back! Everyone says the same, that it takes time, and this is the hardest thing to hear because you want the pain to go away NOW! I know exactly how you feel in this respect. Try and reach out to your friends, even if you just go around to their house ot they come to yours, just have someone whose shoulder you can cry on. Being on this site helps, even if it's just to let out some of the emotion by writing it all down, big hugs to you, take care of yourself x Nasus