so sad

This looks a friendly forum:)

I have been married for 20 years this year, I got with hubby when I was a teenager, we have 3 children aged 20, 17 and 14


We have had a lot of stress in our lives over the past few years. Anyway the problem is that my husband does not even really speak to me anymore, we have not had sex for over 3 years, is my marriage over? (don't think he has someone else but if he did, I would not be surprised) I feel it is over and wish I had the courage and money to move out, (I do not work) I am just so sad that what we used to have has gone, he never touches me, even a hug would be lovely, I don't think I can live with him like this for the rest of my life but I am so scared of living alone, I have never lived alone before, if it weren't for the children, I would have contemplated suicide. I have no friends or family and do not speak to anyone at all during the day and then at night, the kids are doing their own thing and hubby and me just watch tv and do not speak:( I have been on anti-depressants for the past few years and am reducing them now with a view to coming off them. I cannot get a job, have tried everything with no luck, am now going to do some voluntary work in an effort to socialise more but I need an income, I feel so trapped. I just don't understand how a man can go without sex for so long and not be bothered, does this mean he has someone else???

I am not sure what I want, sometimes the idea of living alone sounds like bliss but then I am terrified of being alone for the rest of my life, is divorce the answer?

Hi Miss Piggy

Welcome to Wiki. Ouch!!! 3 years without close contact is a long time, that is not good at all and must be quite soul destroying.

I think you have to come out of the loop your mind is in and make a decision. If you can then please communicate with him, then depending on his response, work out where you want to go from there. There are 2 of you in your relationship, so treating it as if there are can surely only be a step in the right direction.

If you have been married for that long, then you owe it to the relationship to get this lack of affection sorted out. There may be a really good reason, and maybe he is worried to aproach you for support, ie affairs are not the only reason this happens.

Whatever you decide, I hope you get some help here in making that decision.

Take care
79fw

Miss Piggy,

If I were you, after 20yrs of marriage, I would do whatever it took to try and save it!

Please talk to him! Try and find out what he's thinking/feeling, Hell! Pull his bloody hair out if ya have to! But give it your best shot, and let him know how you feel.

My wife walked after 10years of marriage and to this day she's never explained a dam thing to me! Don't make that mistake, do what you can before you go down the divorce route.

Good luck,

Jim.

Miss Piggy,

Can I just echo the sentiments here? You and your hubby need to talk. Maybe he has trouble showing affection? Some men do, or maybe after 20 years you have grown apart?

Before we agreed to separate my stbx had not touched me for five years, and to be honest it was a relief, although I imagine that I probably gave out negative feelings if he did come close! We had grown apart and no longer had anything in common.

I know it can sometimes be hard to start a conversation along these lines, you might be worried that you will hear something you don't want to hear or maybe don't know what to say. Have you thought about writing him a letter explaining how you feel?

You really need to open a line of communication, otherwise you will be floundering around not knowing what is happening. Whether you get the result you want or not it is best to try.

I'm rooting for you! xxx

Yep miss piggy, I agree 20 years is long time and if there's anyway you can both sit down and discuss what's happened and how everyone feels that's a first port of call I think. Maybe going out for a drink somewhere neutral or a walk, that can help peeps to talk sometimes.

If that doesn't work I wld say that even tho you are afraid to be on your own, in a sense, you already are. I only had 3 months with no affection from my ex and it was heart wrenching, everyone needs physical and emotional affection. This is a fantastic site for support and should the latter be the direction you take, then here is the place to find solace and friends while you go through it. Pop into chat sometime, can be confusing but is a good place to spend time when you're down and needing to talk.

Hope you manage to resolve issues for yourself. Until then, at least have a virtual hug

---

> (((((((miss piggy))))))))))

Hi Miss Piggy,

Having brought up a family, some say they feel they have drifted apart from their partners...the children not needing the parents can often leave a void...I am not implying this to be your situation...however you have recognised an obstacle that you want to get over...communication will help...I wish you well.

Elle x

Hallo and welcome

Yes, this is a fantastically friendly forum.

Right. You are disatisfied and hurt and you want things to get better but not sure how.

You need to talk to your husband. Maybe he is depressed (not always easy to tell, men are much less likely to talk about this sort of thing) or he may have impotence issues. Or he may not care about you at all.

But you need to find out what is happening from his perspective. Maybe counselling would help you both, or might help you on your own to work through how you feel.

IF you decide to end your marriage I can tell you that yes it is scary and lonely on your own. But not as lonely as being in the same room as someone you can't talk to.

And after a bit you get to feel very proud of yourself for managing on your own.

Whatever you do, people are here to help. Pop into chat to meet some of us, we are a friendly crowd.