My Story

Ho Torres

Sorry to hear your story mate. It sounds very similar to my own in many ways, so I know how you feel and what you're going thru. I'm sorry to tell you this, but imho your wife is having an affair. This is a pattern that many here will recognise, and the lies are as painful and damaging as everything else that's happening. It's up to you to sort out how this will affect you and your relationship, whether you think there would be any way back from this or not. Trust is easy to lose and extremely difficult to rebuild

Keep coming back and talking tho torres - it helps to realise that you're not alone and that there are people who have been thru what you're going thru and have come out of it all and been happy

Take care buddy

Sun

Hi Tor, welcome to this wonderful site.
My own story reflects yours. I had a whole manner of lies for how she needed space and all that guff. I'm depressed/ need some me time/ to 'find myself'. Apparentley her feelings had gone well before all this nonsense kicked off last November........
Really? I was looking through my works diary last night and discovered a wee note she'd penned on June 6th- personal, but worth sharing -'make passionate love to Mrs, as it is her birthday'THAT'S HOW GOOD THINGS WERE!! until your work colleague and you started extra cirricular activities.......
I've had six long months of mind games, lies and deceit and still share the marital home, my user name is Justthetruth. that's all I ever wanted.........
Right now, I want an end, can only hope it's quick.
Keep posting mate, some fantastic people on here, chin up.

Hi torres,
It sounds like you are in a similar situation to me. After 2.5 yrs marriage my husband started acting the same way as your wife has and i too didnt see it coming. I never thought the man i married would leave me. But we too had busy lifes that took us in different directions. we too spent too little time together.

Its so good you have good friends and family around, they will be invaluable to you. My friends are 120 mles away but they are always on the phone when i need them.
You sound so level headed and sensible. We went to couples counciling which unfortunately didnt work for us but that was because my stbx twisted everything i said and said he got more and more hurt the more things i said. He left me 3 weeks ago and i have good days and bad. He is off to see his solicitor today and i know that will hurt its soo final!
My stbx also keeps sticking knife in saying some terrible things but as this was his choice i dont know how its suddenly all my fault and im such a horrible person. Its ok to cry shout scream etc just try not to do it when they are there! It only gives them ammunition!

Stay strong and positive, if you can get through this you may well be stronger for the future. You should be able to communicate better anyway.

Take care
J

Hi Guys,

Thanks for all your support and advice it really is good to know that i'm not the only person going through this kind of thing.

I have come to the decision in the last week that i need to carry on with my life with or without my wife as i have always been a confident individual and was certainly not dependent on her for anything other than love and companionship.

I have told my wife that i'm not going to bend over backwards to make it work as she is the one who had the issues and it is she who needs to want to make it work. Thing is i don't think she does and that infuriates me so much that i think it is better to remove myself from the situation and get along with things on my own.

I am very committed to making my marriage work but i am not naive enough to think that it will happen if I am the only one who wants it. I don't see how getting depressed and guilt tripping my wife into anything will help the situation. Fact is she left because she was unhappy and all i can do is try and look after myself and be the person who she fell in love with. I think that the best way to deal with my situation is to concentrate on getting me happy again.

I'm going to Spain on Thursday with 3 of my mates and i intend to have a good time and try and relax and forget things for a while. I don't want to become the kind of husband or ex who despises his wife and can't speak or see them, but I need to distance myself from her for a while as speaking and seeing each other recently has been difficult and doesn't appear to help me in anyway.

Thanks Again

Justice for the 96! 15th April 1989 (YNWA)

You sound very similar to me! I am having to accept it as he wasnt willing to try no matter how much i did. I still love him very much but i need to be realistic. Dont know how ill move on but i will eventually and at the end of the day its his loss. Its just a shame he dragged me into his childish games and i fell for it. Says he did love me but not enough! It would be easy to argue that hes onely ever loved himself so there isnt room for anyone else! Obviously im taking the hightr moral ground.
Keep posting on here, Ive found it a brilliant support in some v difficult times.

hi have a great time in spain with your mates, enjoy the freedom - and you might even get some sunshine rhi