Introducing myself

Why are you paying to store her stuff?

If you want to be rid of her why wait for her to start divorce proceedings?

Hi and again, many thanks.

What you are all saying is right and I do know it, but I also know that there are many hard habits to break after 20 years with someone. However, I am starting to break them.

I'm starting to feel like a real mug. I thought I was doing the right thing all that time but I'm beginning to realise that nothing was ever going to be the right thing for her. I don't even think she knows what she wants or who she is and I don't ever think she'll be truly happy.

I am scared of changing and neither of us was/is the most confident of people so I think we were both so scared of being on our own that we stayed together for all the wrong reasons and I am angry at what I could have had if I'd seen all this a long time ago, but although I can't go back and change anything, I can change things from now on.

Her life seems to be like a series of car crashes for which she is unable to take any responsibility and is ready to blame anyone and everyone else but herself. I can see all sorts of patterns happening in her life now which she played out with me and I'm glad to be away from her and so nearly out of it.

It's just dragging and I'm totally exhausted by her and the whole thing and I know I could easily have initiated proceedings - it's not as if I don't have grounds of unreasonable behaviour and that's before I dragged out the big guns. But I'll admit, and here's where I feel particularly stupid, that I paid her enough money to begin the divorce herself because I believed and trusted her when she told me that as she'd been through it before, she knew what to do and had the time to do it. This was last year and I suspect that that's several hundred pounds I won't see again.

I feel like I've been a toy in her little game, that she's successfully played with me for years and sometimes I feel defeated by her.

Thanks for listening, folks.

lets see where this gos.my name is tony i live in AZ i got married in Nov of 2007 too an illegal immigrant i was 19 at the time,we had a child prior too our marriage,she voluntarily leaves with her parents as she could not adapt too Chang in the new suburb we lived in she was used too the ghetto not to be mean its just the truth..i moved her and my son out too a safe new area,she could not adapt so she left with her parents,she left on her Owen the beginning of march of 2008 i don't know what too do she is threatening too Sue me for abandonment and she says if i don't claim her and she dose not get legal statues through me she will take everything and if i file for devorce she will not sign she is making me out too be the bad guy when she is the one who left i now figuerd out that it was all done too get her papers but i don't have anything no house no nothing we are still married she has my son and its just a big mess no one will help me without paying fees and such witch right now is hard if any one can direct me on what i should do pleas i would greatly appreciate it I'm going to be 21 and need to handle this asap pm me please thanks

Hi black shuck - nice to see you posting again

Don't be so hard on yourself... she may not have been playine a little 'game' - she may just be so out of control herself that she is destructive to those around her. To play a game implies that she was conscious of what she was doing. It sounds to me, from what you say, that she may be unable to help it because she's possibly not taking the objective view that you have arrived at.

As for habits being hard to change, yes it's true. However, recognising that they need to be changed is the first, important, step leading to change.

No matter how hard the job, making a start on it is the way towards getting it done. You sound so much more positive in your last post and I'll tell you why I think that is... because at last you are moving. It doesn't matter the pace we move at - 'tis the direction that is important!

Now that you are on the road to recovery, keep posting and we can support you.

Good luck

Shezi

Tony29

Give me a few details.

Did you get married in AZ? What nationality is your wife? I am guessing that she is Mexican, but I don't want to prejudge.