Hi

My name is Peter, but that username was already taken

My wife moved out of the house Saturday night while I was at work. On Monday a process server delivered the dreaded papers.

Plenty of blame to go around. She had an affair a couple years ago and I never totally forgave her for it. My anger manifested itself in some ugly ways. I started drinking more and became emotionally abusive. Naturally, she started preferring the company of others, which exacerbated things. A vicious cycle. But goodness, we had many, many more moments when the world seemed to smile upon us.

I don't know if there's someone in the wings. She's weeks away from getting her MBA and got a snazzy new job where she met a Thelma to her Louise. Or is it a Samantha Ronson to her LiLo? I can vaguely trace the swirling in the drain about that time.

She's asked through her lawyer not to contact her, which I find devilishly hard, but I'm complying. I know it's not healthy to hope for a reconciliation. This train has left the station, I realize, and yet I fantasize about holding her in my arms and starting over.

Thanks for listening. I'm not from around these parts, but it seems like a friendly community, so I think I'll stay awhile and listen, if that's OK.

Hi Peter. Welcolm to the site. Yours is a classic case of people that try and forgive and cant. To forgive an adultary takes an enourmous amount of sweeping under the carpet and it usualy doesnt work. So dont beat yrself up too much. I know its hard not to contact her and her saying this is doing you a favour in the long run. Keep reading and post if you want. This site only works if we all contribute. Chin up. C.