Another newbie!

Hello

I'm new to all this and struggling with sleeping at the moments so have taken to browsing.

I have been with my huband for 17 years from being very young and we have been married for 9 years. I also have a 2 year old and am pregnant with my second child (which we discussed and he told me he would love another baby).

6 weeks ago when I was newly pregnant I found that my husband had been contacting women through facebook (that old chestnut) and had been conducting online flirting - he destroyed the phonebill and I requested a duplicate which arrived yesterday and can now see why as he had been phoning and texting her too.

I found out about this and he left in a huff. I didn't see or hear from him for 5 days, not even to ask about the pregnancy or our child. He then asked to come back and said that he had been sleeping in his car, he also did a half hearted suicide attempt which turns out was just for attention.

I honestly and stupidly believed that he had been living in his car and he seemed remorseful and he returned home. However he was a changed person and was sneaking around, became secretative with his mobile etc.

A week ago he fell asleep on the sofa with a new mobile phone in his hand. Turns out he had got himself a pay as you go mobile and had been contacting her all the time and arranging meetings. Messages on the phone said that he wanted to spend the night with her again (so he hadn't slept in the car then had he) how fantastic the sex was, how much they wanted to be together, how they should have never broken up when they were younger as imagine where we would be now etc. Turns out this woman is the woman he dated when he was 15 years old.

I confronted him about the phone and he got up and left and went to her house. I know he is there as I have seen him and he has admitted to friends that he has been playhing away and is living with her now.

Again, since he left, zero contact.

Can't understand how he can think he can walk away from a wife, home, child and pregnancy. We have a mortgage and everything else so surely he can't just put his head in the sand forever??? I don't understand this at all and am completely in shock. Am so stressed am not eating or sleeping and I'm now worried about the development of this poor baby.

What a mess, and what a callous, cold, nasty man he his. To be with someone for 17 years and then just do all this. The woman he left me for has 3 kids to 3 fathers! So he's left his faithful wife, toddler and pregnancy and our lovely home to go and raise other mens children. He's even now got their car seats in his car and is playing daddy to them now!!

Am so hurt I just don't know what to do or where to put myself.

He has never been able to deal with any sort of conflict and each time we have argued he always runs away by storming out of the house and disappearing for hours, and when he turns up he won't talk about anything. He has a complete inability to talk about any emotions whatsover so that is what is no doubt behind all this. But to run away and shack up with her. Unbelievable. I just hope his world will come crashing down around him sooner rather than later.

Hi,

I have just read you statement.

I'm a father of a fantastic son, who i can not see.

My wife left a family home and took my son.

I'm sorry for you

Reagrds

Shaun

ps i'm on most mornings between 4 and 6.

Please come and chat.

My wife has been horrible to me, and I can tell you what she has done to me.

Shaun

Hi Katie,

It must be a very desparate time for you and very difficult when your partner keeps walking away all the time and coming back when he feels like it. You need to strong and look after yourself. It is difficult to understand why your husband would do this to you but he is only thinking of himself right now which is what you need to do too. i know its only early days but you need to look at some of the practicalities of his leaving like how are the bills going to be paid etc? I wish you luck in this very difficult time

I have been to see a solicitor as obviously there has been no contact and until yesterday I did not know where he is living. I only know as I knew roughly where he lived and drove around the estate and saw the car parked outside the house. He is also keeping his mobile phone switched off, so if there was an emergency with our child he wouldn't have a clue.

I asked the solicitor to start divorce proceedings and try to sort out the finances as he has responsibliites and cannot make us homeless surely.

Just can't believe he can do this to us. The man I have loved has become a total stranger to me. It's ok for him swanning off and living with his new girlfriend, but he has left utter devastation for us.

((((Katie02))))
I really feel for you. I have been in that situation where you drive round looking for the OW house. It's soul destroying but try to think of your little one and the new baby.
Try to eat something even if it's toast because he really isn't worth making yourself and the baby ill.
He is only thinking of himself at the moment, probably caught up in the moment, maybe when he's had time to think he will realise how foolish he's been.
look after you,
Teresa X

Thanks.

It's unbelievable what he's done really as he went out with this woman when he was 15 years old. He hasn't seen her for 20 years and he only met up with her for the first time on 28 Feb after he had walked out about me catching him with the facebook messages (which incidentally, was another girl from school)!

So from what I can gather he met her on Feb 28 for the first time when he had left home and the first time they met as she's such a classy bird she's done the business.

Now he says he loves her and she says she loves him - after 1 month!!!!

He's probably backed himself into a right corner, if he doesn't have any feelings for me why then just at the beginning of March did he start texting me asking to come back and saying how sorry he was and had his half hearted suicide attempt. If he wanted her he had her then. Unless it was just guilt for our toddler.

Surely he has got to be having some sort of regret - to only know a woman for 1 month and then get found out and run away (as is his usual MO) he's got nowhere to go but her so now he's stuck with her in her pokey manky house with her 3 kids.

I think he's unhinged. Surely he must be feeling some regret by missing his child and leaving his lovely home to sit in a tiny scruffy house surrounded by other mens children??!!!

He has always been so stubborn that he will cut his nose off to spite his face and this is just another example. Well enough is enough, I have children to think of now and they can't grow up with him as a role model walking out of their lives when you look at him the wrong way.

There is no trust left anymore and the hurt and bitterness is setting in now so there is no going back. If it was me I'd be on my bended knee begging forgiveness, not just putting my coat on and walking away. But he's a coward though, isn't he.

Anyway, you are right, I have to look after myself and I am trying to pull myself together but its just so hard at the moment. Need to think of my toddler and my unborn child and will just have to focus on that when I have the days where I don't want to get out of bed.

I just hope this gets easier.

It will get easier Katie, just takes time.
My H begged to come back while he had OW so these other women can't be all they seem can they?
My mistake was having him back after he'd been back to her several times, now he's with her again.
Try to stay strong and remember the more you have them back the more right you give them to do it again....just because they can.
You really are worth more and facebook has alot to answer for!!!!
Teresa X