My story - the edited version!

Hi all,
Thought I would record my situation - for posterity as it were!
My husband went six weeks ago today after he told me that he no longer loved me and didn't want to try to work it out. He had told me at end January that he didn't love me but I insisted we should try and he agreed but after 4 weeks of me trying on my own I just couldn't take the daily battering to my self-esteem from his coldness and I asked him to go. Funnily he thought it would be okay to live in the same house but as separate people but I stood my ground and said no. Think he didn't believe I could cope in the house on my own.

See, his reasons for turning our lives upside down he says are to do with me being lazy around the house and not being there enough. I am a teacher and work long hours so he tended to do the cooking and much of the housework, but I honestly didn't think he had a problem with that and he had never brought it up as a serious discussion point in 9 and 1/2 years together - we had been living together 5 years and married 15 months when he dropped his little bombshell. Although things haven't been great lately - we were trying unsuccessfully for a baby since we got married and it was really getting to me - I never thought it would come to this - him just giving up without any kind of a fight at all and after all this time together.

Anyway, I have survived - just a bout - and have been trying to carry on and put it all to the back of my mind, still working and surrounding myself with good understanding friends.

But it has all hit the fan again tonight. He asked me what I wanted to do about the house and I had to face the reality that he really is not coming back. He came round to talk - first time have seen him in weeks - and it all ended in a huge row - he was horribly cold and that just made me really angry. I have been a right old mess tomight and my parents have had to deal with the fall out, coming round and looking after me - i feel like a teenager again who can't cope with life and needs somebody else to kiss it better.

Feel devastated tonight although much calmer now than was earlier. Don't know how will sleep.

Oh yeah, we also have a lovely dog which he insisted on taking with him and says is 'his dog' although I have 'visiting rights' and she is here with me now. She is caught in the middle and he is acting like she hates me and doesn't likebeing here.

It's all a bit of a mess really and I feel back to square one tonight when I thought i was much further on.

Any kind words gratefully received!

Love Princess XXX:dry:

Hallo and welcome

Lots of men find it difficult to talk about relationships. And lots of marriages end because one person wants out and it comes as a complete surprise to the other person.

And it takes time to recover from these things - a major life change and you begin to look at everything differently.

Hello. I am also a teacher and my 'laziness' during term time (if only he knew) was also cited as a reason for our split- but like you, he had never brought it up as a serious discussion point. He has since said he was scared of me ????????? I have been separated for 16 months now and it has not been an easy road at all, but like you, I have generally managed to keep going to work. Do this if at all possible. I had to take two lots of one week off work, one last year and one just recently. My divorce is almost through now. Keep doing what you're doing and lean on friends and family- don't bottle things up. And keep messaging on here- it really helps! Good luck and hope the start of term goes well xxx

Hiya,
Thanks for your message. Sometimes I think that teachers should really only form relationships with other teachers because people can't possibly umderstand what it's like unless they see it every day like we do and go through the physical and emotional stress and exhaustion. But then I think a teacher would drive me mad with all the 'teacher talk'ha!

First day back today and it went well - it's good to have the routine back but am also looking at the pile of things to do for tomorrow and triying to hide from it! Still, keeps your mind off other stuff. I am feeling really positive today and like I can do much better and be much happier without him - even though I would never have considered that when we were together, I loved him so much.

Hope your first day back at school was good too - only 5 weeks till half term!

Princess XXXX

Hi ho-
being a bloke teacher, I have had the opposite. Because my youngest is autistic, I didnt expect my wife to work, but her spending habits got so bad i had to egt her to work because I couldnt keep up.
Now im accused of being too 'work obsessed' and 'tight'. i wouldnt mind if i dindnt do all the housework all the time!
Its a bugger of a job- we wouldnt do it if we dindnt think it was so worthwhile. Now you are on your own, get as much grafting done during the termtime so you can treat yourself to grade a holidays!

Sending you a big hug. ((((u))))
I too am a teacher. My stbx didn't understand the demands of the job and even accused me of having affairs because of the after school meetings and parents' evenings. I had to account for every late day. He mistakenly believed that we finished work at 3. I wish! He was too lazy to work and I supported him and did all the housework too. Now that we are separated and he is living back with his mother he is on the dole and blaming the credit crunch for his lack of a job. He takes no responsibility for anything.
Take care of yourself.
Best wishes
x

Teachers of the world unite! In the past few weeks (sse thread in depression and stress- I'm too tired for long explanation!) I've finally accepted that I have been ill with depression for 11 years. Clearly this also had negative effects on my marriage! I've been treated my a skilled medical team over the hols (and took most of the last week of term off) and yesterday, tried to go back. Only an inset day and I tried so hard to be sensible, but have had to admit defeat. Feel v angry with myself although strangely proud that I have managed to listen to my body for once. Currently trying to banish the guilt. Hope you are all surviving the start of term. xxx