Introduction

Hello.Am still feeling pretty raw - husband left 8 weeks ago after 26 years of marriage. Usual cliche - younger woman only she has two young children as well. We have four wonderful kids of our own - 21 -16. I feel as though the whole world has turned on its axis - I had no idea that this was going on. He just walked out saying that our marriage was over and that he no longer loved me - the new woman makes him feel complete.
Now he has bought a house only 10 mins away in which they intend to set up together. This just seems to be a perpetual nightmare and I am devastated. Just tell me that you do learn to stop loving them and that you do regain your sense of self-worth.

Welcome to Wiki Louise. Though sorry that you are here.

You will find help and support on this site from peeps that have been through and are going through what you are. Post your thoughts, start a blog or visit the chat rooms. There is always someone there that will listen to you. We have all been where you are and understand exactly how you feel.

Take care and baby steps.

Marsa
xx

hallo Louise and welcome to Wikivorce

I don't know how you will get over it, but I will tell you what I did and you might find some of it helpful.

My background: been with ex 31 years, married 18. 2 teenage sons. Marriage had been getting rockier. Last year ex was out a lot, and when home drunk or asleep or watching tv. Atmosphere so bad I asked him for separation and he agreed, but we decided he would stay till elder son had done his GCSEs.
A couple of months later, ex told me (I dragged it out of him) that he had someone else, with 2 children, 9 and 5.
When ex finally moved in with her I thought I would be relieved but I felt overwhelming grief and cried until my younger son told me he couldn't stand it any more.

So
a) I went to a women's counsellor for 9 months

b) I went to my GP and got anti-depressants

c) I contacted all my old friends, arranged to meet up with several of them

d) I joined a book club and a film club and went to everythign I was invited to whether I felt like it or not

e) I made sure I had something to look forward to every week, and made plans for weekends which I found particularly hard.

f) I read lots of self-help books from the library, a useful one was called "How to mend a broken heart"

g) told ex I didn't want to see him more than necessary and tried to be out when he came round to see the boys if I could

h) moved all the furniture and pictures round and put all ex's junk hed left behind in the garage

i) joined this site, went into the chat rooms (great for talking to people in similar circumstances) and went to a London meet which was fantastic

But what helped the most was not thinking "oh my ex has left me for soemone younger; I must be an old bag" but "ex has left me but as I am gorgeous, intelligent, kind, honest and loyal he must be a prat".

I have had tons of compliments since he's gone. I know some of them are probably people being kind, but a lot are because I am smiling more.

It did take time though and I had to learn to stop trying to reason why ex had done this or wonder what he was doing.

It also helped that my two sons think he's a twerp and aren't interested in playing happy families with the other woman and ehr children.

Hello Louise,
I know you must be feeling terrible but it does get better. As it's only been 8 weeks it will still be very new, you will go through a dozen emotions a minute!!
Just to let you know this site has been my life saver (literally) and everyone on here knows how you feel....It's comforting to know others have been where you are (and myself) and are now coming out of the darkness into the light.
Just look forward to that time and be kind to yourself,
(((((big hugs)))))
Teresa X