Wow divorce is a messy business!

Hi

Just thought I'd say hi to you all out there! I have been reading the forums (and replied to a few) and think this website is such a fantastic idea and support. Its very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you're the only person going through the crap divorce throws up so it's great knowing other people can support you through it and actually understand.

I'm not going through a divorce (never been married), but my partner whom I live with is going through a very nasty one at the moment. The stbx has tried everything, trying to stop his contact with his sons, telling all and sundry he left her for me (they were separated when we met), i've had to call the police as she was harrassing me at my home (whilst I was pregnant), so far she has had a brain tumour, heart defect and is now in danger of stroke (all proven to be lies), also the usual of trying to poison the boys against their father etc..I wouldnt mind so much, but it was her who ended their relationship!! So as you can see, out life is one big stress at the moment and is affecting our relationship. I am just hoping that the divorce will soon be final and she will stop intervering so much.

In the meantime, it's great knowing that there is support out there!

x

Hallo and welcome

Sounds as though your partner's stbx is a bit mentally unwell - its ridiculous to say things that can easily be proved wrong. But I would say that since this is affecting your relationship it might be better if you distanced yourself from it as much as you can.

Support your partner of course, but don't get drawn into discussions about it all, it will just end up making you feel stressed out too, particularly as there's nothing you can do to move things on.

How old are the boys?

ya not kidding hun it bl..dy is messy. I applied for divorce back in october was sick of the arguing with him, he used to wake me up at 2 3 in a morning and have a go, had police out to him and got a harrassment order so he cant come near me. I have got a friend now which i met since we split up and my ex has been telling my boys im the bad one, why. I have never stopped him seeing the boys and i wouldnt hes the dad. I had to move out of my home with the boys cos he wouldnt still waiting for my payout which im hoping to be a couple of weeks something about a tf1 form??
he wont sign the divorce til the transfer has gone through.
dont trust him tho

xx

The boys are 10 & 7 and due to their young age are starting to believe the stuff their mother is saying, this then leads onto my partner over compensating with them (basically letting them talk to me however they like, behave badly etc..). I know that I'm the adult and should let it lie, but believe that children should have rules and routines so they know where they are!! This is one of the things seriously affecting our relationship.

Not sure how to handle this anymore because as soon as I bring up a behavior I dont like he instantly closes down and wont listen. He has all the patience in the world for his sons, but doesnt have much for his 7 month old daughter!

If anyone else has had the same issue, please let me know how you handled it, because at the moment I seem to be making a complete hash of it!!

It is really difficult dealing with new step children - but it is far more difficult for them dealing with new partners and new siblings, different sets of rules in different houses etc. Best I can suggest is that you show patience to them but try to establish some rules with your partner that aren't too stringent as he probably feels that he wants to enjoy the time with his sons rather than worry too much at this stage about rules. Maybe also involve the children in setting some of the rules so that they aren't so differnt from the one's in their mother's house. This seemed to work with my stepson - who is still very much in touch with me (I left his father 5.5 yrs ago) but he now refuses to see his father. He was 6 when I met him (and 13 when I left).

Good luck