Advice please !!

Hi I am very new to all this and all advice /points in the right direction will be gratefuly recieved :0)

Been happily married 26 years

two children 16 and 13

live in accomodation with spouse provided through spouses job.

rent out another property ( formally family home)

Husband commited adultery, now expects divorce or separation ( says its his entitlement)

He has proposed that one party ( me and kids) vacate current home and move into former home whem tennents are evicted.

property to go into my name provided that his pension is excluded from any future settlement.
He is prepared to pay child support of 700 pcm as i will retaining child allowance which i am to pay to children.


All other expenditure to be split 50/50 ( insurances / car etc)
Apart from all outgoings on the new residence of me and kids which will be my responsibility.

Children wish to live 7 days a week with me.

Eldest child about to take gcse's and then transfer to workplace of husband (school) at reduced rate.

husband now saying not possible as he may leave job and will not pay fees. ( daugher devestated as she worked very hard to secure place on her own merit)

Feel this is all running away from me a bit but I have done nothing wrong and have supported him in his job for 26 years moving all over the country at the expense of my career.

Does all this seem a fair agreement or should I be asking for / suggesting different ??

he says a solicitor will not be interested unless we agree to separate finances.

Have seen a solictor about me being evicted from current family home,we are joint tennants.
Husband says that rermaining here will make me an embarrassment. He has also seen one and says this proposal is all I am entitled to .

I am trying very hard to maintain continuity for my children as they are in bits. I think he should leave as he chooses to spend each weekend and all holidays with new woman and her children. He says I am in denial and is being completely vile.

any ideas?

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

It is not for your husband to decide what will happen according to what suits him.

The first priority is the children and their welfare. I don't see why you should move if you don't want to.

As for being embarrassing, he is the one who has caused the embarrassment, surely?

Sadly when many men find another woman, they rearrange their lives and seem to think the children will just adjust without any difficulties. This isn't true.

I am sure you will get some sensible advice from people here about the financial side of things.

I would just say ignore your husband as much as possible and take no notice of anything he says about settlements.

Try not to listen to what your husband is saying or what his solicitor is alleged to have said. I would recommend you find a good family solicitor, preferably a member of resolution, and if you feel marriage is over, divorce him on Unreasonable Behaviour grounds and hopefully he would then have to pay the costs of the divorce. He does not seem to be thinking about the children at all or the affect all this is having on them especially if your daughter is now doing her GCSEs.

I found after my husband had left me and 2 children that I needed professional advice and some form of financial security for myself and our children. All sorts of people who had been through divorce gave me their advice, but none of it totally coincided with my own experience and I found having a good solicitor to help me sort things out gave me the confidence to make decisions and move on with my life. I was also entitled to more than I expected, so that was a bonus.

Hi daisyroots,

It would be good if the two of you could discuss a financial split between without the use of solicitors, however from what you have written I would say that you need the benefit of legal advice.

It is not up to your husband to inform you of what you may receive. He may be used to having treated you like that during the marriage but you are clearly no longer his wife. He has betrayed you and furthermore you report that he views a divorce/separation as his 'entitlement' which to my mind represents a rather arrogant, selfish and dictatorial attitude.

Be that as it may, you are his wife in name only and I would urge you to think of yourself as a person with your own mind, your own values, your own thoughts and right now, very pressing needs for your children and yourself.

Continuity for your children is important and I am afraid to say that you will need to stand up to your husband and throw him a challenge to treat you with some common decency as a human being and not a household fixture. I suggest you see a solicitor and initiate divorce proceedings on the grounds of his adultery and life with him becoming intolerable and then on receipt of the Decree Nisi apply for ancillary relief and maintenance pending suit to cover both your legal fees and your children's education.

Your husband says you are in denial You may very well be in denial, in denial of your own value as a person, a mother and a woman.

YA

Hi daisyroots

I agree with all that been said already. What he wants and what he will get are 2 very different issues. he sounds like a bully, just ignore his demands and start taking control, see a good solicitor and see what they advise.

good luck!

try to keep communicating and negotiating, when it comes to finances best agreed between each other only one winner and thats solicitors who take approx 1 month between communications, you are entitled to more and will need a solicitor for advice though. the matter of adultry is a totally diferent subject. you need to be focused on finances and exclude feelings where possible, I know its hard but try.