1st time here, need guidance

Barba

Presumably, if you are actively divorcing her, you have got yourself a solicitor and that solicitor has had sight of the request for you to leave the home.

There is no basis for you being forced to leave the home, unless it is possible to suggest that you might represent a risk of harm to your ex. Under those circumstances, a court can be used to kick you out with a device known as an "Occupation Order". Make sure that you keep your nose clean on that front and all should be well - however a good solicitor will make sure that this is dealt with early with a suitable response to her letter. Don't just ignore it.

Meanwhile, get on with the divorce as quickly as possible. These things get worse for being dragged out.

Hi Barbanegra,

In addition to what GuernseyGuy writes I would suggest you consider keeping a diary. It may be a bind but if you log your activities such as when you were in the house, out at work or who you met, any arguments etc you can refer to this in the future as contemporaneous notes.

It may well turn out to be unnecessary but it would come in useful in the event of your wife fabricating or exaggerating some incidents in order to remove you from the house.

Furthermore I would advise that you answer her solicitor's letters politely but keep to one topic per letter.

YA

thanks for that guys, jesus its really dificult to keep your mouth shut, I am keeping a diary of all events, its just the weeks between solicitors letters and the worry and stress of it all. She has moved on to another relationship, on happy pills. I on the other hand am just wallowing in self pity. another weekend is upon us, got to go fishing or something.
cheers everyone,
barba

Chin up mate, I know exactly how you're feeling, my darling wife hasn't admitted adultery as yet, probably never will.....
I'm heading into the sixth month of this hell, she swans about, goes to work and returns sometimes 15 hours later.
Kisses my wee lad and gives him a cuddle before leaving.GRRRRRRRRR!!!
Comes in at night, stomps all over laminate downstairs in her heels, presumably another mind game. She got a sol. letter a month ago and is yet to answer it, the second guessing and wondering where it'll all end up drives you batty.
Keep posting mate, lots of great folk in here.

barbanegra.

The advice given here is very sound. I went through exactly what you are going through my two boys are young.

Don't move out until you are ready to move out, if ever. But as said, avoid confrontation. You don't want to give her 'cause.'

Have you started the divorce action? If not, I would recommend you go for Unreasonable Behaviour on grounds of Inappropriate Relationship. If she is actually telling your son about her new boyfriend then I would add an allegation of 'emotional abuse towards you and the child' by discussing matters of an adult nature with the child. Don't waste time and get onto it right away if you haven't done it yet. If you have not got hold of the marriage certificate, do that now, right now, you will need it.

Try to keep your kid out of it.

Write a polite and short note back to her solicitor saying that you do not intend to leave the former matrimonial home at this time. If there are any accusations towards you in the letter state that you deny the accusations, don't go into detail. The less said the better.

Do not give your consent regarding the new relationship. If asked say it is inappropriate, nothing more.

If you have joint accounts either freeze them or take the money out and put it into an account in your sole name before she does this to you. Don't withhold money, just take control of it.

Some might disagree with the very direct approach I am stating, but she will not be in a rational mindset if she is in the throws of a new romance and things will get worse from here so it is better to at least be in control of the divorce and money (cashflow only, the financial settlement is separate and you can't 'control' that item.)

Cheers for that,
I have got it nailed as regards being organised, paperwork, form E etc. All that is with my sol and we are ready to go. But the bottom line in all this is,,, the courts have a duty to "protect the female" and she is rubbing my nose in it, saying "I'm gonna get you out" Thats the nightmare i'm facing,, me out boyfriend in and i can do f/allabout it.
I will manage to get used to this site,,,, Are these posts generally available for the general public ie. my ex to read?
cheers y have a nice weekend

Hi there

just read this post and am really sorry to hear what you are going through .

This is a public site , anyone can read the posts and therefore possibly your wife . However , my guess is your wife is too busy with her bf to be browsing this site . If you want info to be absolutely anonymous you can use private messages to individual members .

good luck

shiny