Seperating after only 10 months of being married

Not sure where to start. My husband has decided after only being married to me for approximately 10 months that he wanted to end the relationship. His timing is pretty rubbish as I am also expecting our first child and nearly 8 months pregnant. As you can image I am absolutely devastated.

All this came about when he started a new full-time job in February to get some regular money coming in as we were self-employed. Two weeks in to the job he dropped this bombshell and also told me that he had fallen for someone else at work only three weeks in the job, not wanting to be with me is one thing but fallen for someone else so quickly is absolutely unforgivable. He has made a mockery of our marriage.

He is positive that he is doing the right thing and there is no reconciliation, even after marriage counceling. Our relationship is pretty civil mainly because I have to keep calm and stress free for not just for my sake but also for the baby.

I have to now think of my future and the future of my unborn child. He says he wants to play a part in the upbringing of our child but actions will speak louder than words. My issue is that I want to change my name back to my Maiden Name but I want my child to have the same surname as me. What are my rights? And does my husband have any rights regarding naming of the child?

If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate your help.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

Regards


Twinny

Hello Twinny and welcome to Wikivorce. You have joined a community of people that really do understand how awful you are feeling, and how difficult your situation really is.

Blimey, you are having a tough time of it aren't you?

Firstly, you can't apply for a divorce until you have been married for 12 months.

Unfortunately, despite your husband's appalling behaviour, he will still has parental responsibility for your unborn child.

Read this thread through:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...-proceedings-DL.html

The future may seem terribly daunting at the moment. But life is what you make it. His behaviour and priorities right now suggests what kind of a father and husband he would have been. Not the best. Lucky escape?

But that does not stop you and your new arrival from having a fantastic life together, with or without him. Parenthood is hard, especially in the early years, but it is soooooooooooooooo rewarding. Mine are 16, 14 and 9 and despite the split, we have a fantastic time when we are together.

Hard as it it is to accept, given his behaviour, he still has parental rights with your child, but from your description of him, he is highly unlikely to fulfil them. So it is down to you. Your post suggests that you are a bright and resourceful person who will make it work, alone or with some future partner. So go for it, and enjoy your child, when it arrives.

Wikivorce is a great place to ask all kinds of questions and get impartial (and sometimes controvertial!) advice, opinion and comment. Ask away, as I am sure that there a million questions flying around your head right now.

Best of luck with it all, and keep posting. Remember that you and your child are the most important things in all of this, and you WILL make it happen, despite him.

Mike

Hi Mike

Thank you so much for your reply to my message. You have given faith and optimisim for the future however scarey, I know that I have had a lucky escape and he has truly shown his true colours, which shows me that this is not my fault.

I as you said, the beginning is going to be hard but I know the rewards of joy will overweight those difficulties times.

Many thanks again.

Twinny

It sounds like your husband isn't very committed. It doesn't sound like he ever was. It almost sounds like he wants to punish you for something.

Men are sly when it comes to punishing women. They have to make it look like it's all her fault, when he planned the whole thing. Let me ask you if you are obedient. Some men consider chastity and obedience only together. SO if the wife is disobedient, it's like she cheated on him. I think theres an old saying, "Chastity and obedience are never found without the other."

He might be mad about something like that. SO you could ask him if you obey him if he would stay with you. Tell him the deepest desire of your heart is to receive love from the heart of the father of your child.

Some men are more traditional, and they don't like modern wives. Maybe you have already tried that. Or maybe you could just ask him why he really wants a divorce. Because it isn't because he met someone else. You might have fornicated with him.

If a wife was soiled outside the bonds of sacramental matrimony, the guy will love her before marriage, but then hold it against her after marriage. That sounds like a pretty safe bet.

Modertaors note : This post has been edited by Team Wiki and a message sent to user