Introduction

Hi everyone, I am Hannah and left a violent relationship last year, I am not going through a divorce but have a daughter and we are currently in legal proceedings over contact, am hoping I will be able to find some support and advice here. Unfortunately I dont have much of a support network and I tend to find the people I do confide in seem to be tiring of hearing about it!

I met the man in question in June 2005 and he moved in with me and my son from a former relationship quite quickly, he then suggested we try for a child and I agreed, falling pregnant with our daughter within two months of trying.
As soon as I became pregnant things changed, he became convinced I had been unfaithful to him and was emotionally and physically abusive. We were together for almost 3 years in total and as well as enduring physical attacks he also threatened to abduct and harm my children. Eventually the relationship ended last year and after the final attack which resulted in him being charged he decided to fight for access to my daughter.
A month after he was arrested he met someone else who again became pregnant very quickly and who he is now married to.
He is currently having access to our daughter at a contact centre and we are in legal proceedings, he has told the courts I have made everything up and that I harm my children and that is why he physically attacked me.
I also forgot to mention that he made a pass at my 15 year old sister one night, he was 33 at the time.
He has a non molestation order against him and is unaware of my whereabouts.
Next month we have a fact finding scheduled which I am truly terrified about, I am so scared that they wont believe me as he is a very convincing liar, when questioned about the sexual assualt he told police I had been threatening to say something along those lines for months as I wanted him out of the childrens lives. He is very good at playing the role of a loving, doting father and says all the right things to the right people.
He has also accused me of using drugs and alcohol and having a different man involved with the children every few weeks.
Since having contact with our daughter he has left notes from his wife in our daughters bag, she cant actually read as she is only 2. His wife has also referred to my daughter as hers in an internet profile, this is just the tip of the iceberg really, she seems just as bad as he is and has been drawn into his games, but I feel sorry for her as I am sure she has no idea what he is really like.
Anyway thats my story to date, apologies for my very long ramble!

Hello - welcome to wiki. You will get all the support you need here. Pop into chat as everyone is very friendly, welcoming and happy to listen to what is going on, offer advice and a shoulder to cry on. It has been a lifesaver for me.

You are in a situation I know very little of myself, my own cirucmstances being very different. All I can do is sympathise with you and let you know that you are not alone in your fears for your children and the impact this situation is having on them. As hard as it maybe, I do feel you have to put your faith in the system and hope that it makes the right decision for your children (it doesn't always, I know that). I am going through a residency battle with my stbx, instigated just because it would cause me stress, not because he believes there is any good reason for taking the children from me. My stbx too is very plausible, intelligent, comes across as wanting to do the 'right' thing but is a monster in private, full of lies, threats and abusive behaviour. He too is living with another woman and my children have been told to call her 'mummy' (they are 2 and 4). He is doing his best to intimidate me, grind me down and for what? Because he got everything he wanted? A new life, without having to worry about me (he is not supporting me in anyway, refusing to divorce me etc. etc.) and his children on a 50/50 basis at the current time. None of it makes sense.

You are amongst friends here and I hope that helps in some small way. We all understand what you are going through and will do our best to help and support you through a difficult time. I am sure someone will be along soon with experiences similar to yours and who will be able to give you more constructive advice. Take care of yourself x

Hi there and welcome to Wikivorce

It's very difficult to make rational decisions and plan a course when ruled by fear... and you appear to be very much ruled by fear at the moment. Do you have legal representation?

Take a pause for breath, try blogging how you feel / popping into chat. We have a diverse range of situations here and there is always someone on hand to listen and support. We also have a resident family law barrister who offers legal advice in free surgery Tues/Thur 6-8pm (see link on community homepage).

We are a very supportive community and, between us, appear to have experienced every imagineable situation there is. Well done on finding us

Shezi

i can identify with some of your problems - you must get your support network sorted. Your firends may not be a tired of hearing about it as you believe - often they are busy themselves and because its no longer talked about so much they believe things are getting better.

If i may suggest a few things
see your GP for help - i struggled for almost 6 months of panic attacks and depression before friends insisted i go and talk to my GP. A short ish spell on antidepressants helped take the pressure off-I wasn't labelled a nut or unable to cope, I was offered support and medicine which helped my cope with what i thought was unbearable.
Talking to a local womens aid group also helped as i knew they weren't tired of my problems and they also reassured me that all his tactics and threats were actually very commonplace in the world of abusive men. I learned to trust my judgement more and to realise that my problems weren't so uncommon and there are people who get out of this cycle of abuse.
praise yourself - you're doing the best you can for your daughter and you're dealing with a manipulative man the best way you know.

good luck and well done for having the courage to get out.