Re-introducing myself

Hi there

Just re-joined the site after some time as its now time to move forward and finally get the divorce sorted.

I separated in Oct 2007, husband walked out saying he was unhappy blah blah, found out in the November he was actually seeing his best mates wife. That came to nothing when she went scurrying back to her husband. Since found out about other liaisons over many years and a history of webcam sex with women over the internet. Sometimes when our daughter was in the house. he somehow twists this all around to be my fault.

Husband is being reasonable about helping me financially, he pays what the law says he should for our 11 yr old daughter, I also have to older sons living at home aged 18 and 21. he also pays the mortgage which i am grateful for as financially I could not manage it all on my own including the rest of the bills and getting the house up together as he couldn't be bothered to do much in the way of maintainance or repair. I've spent about 7k since he went on replacing bathroom, electrics, plumbing etc. I work part time during the day and run a small business in the evenings and weekends but do not have a massive salary at all.

Husband works in the family business, formally owned by my dad, but now owned by my brother, in fact he sees more of my family than I do...they tolerate him because of work but find him arrogant and overbearing and obviously detest what he has done.

My next step is really, where do i go from here ? He wants a divorce, but also wants me to sort it all out so he can sign a bit of paper and walk away. I have tried to explain it doesnt work like that but as usual, he just burys his head in the sand.

Any advice at all on what I should be considering next ?

Hi Kimlisa welcolm back to the site. I would do a plan of what your needs are. Start with what money you get and work backwards from there. You have just one child that you will get CM for and I am not sure but check with the CSA calculator you should get 15% of his take home pay every month. With yr earnings and the CSA money you can see what you can afford in the way of housing. With the older sons you are going to have to get them to pay you keep. This is going to be tough and you will have to make cutbacks on what you can afford. But if you are sensible then you can do it.

He cant just sign a bit of paper and walk away. He has a child that he is responsble for. And largly I suspect that you gave up a part of yr career to bring up his kids. And as the mother of his children you will have to be supported whilst you support his child. So the idea of a bit of paper wont wash in practice.

From what you have said its not enough for me or anyone else to give you a total breakdown and what you can expect etc. For that I recomend going to see a solicitor. I think there is a number on this site and you can get some advice. U could also go and see the CAB free of charge to get a basic idea. I know its going to be hard but you musnt give up hope. Many of us have been financialy ruined by divorce but we have survived somehow. Best of luck, C.

Hi there

Thanks for the advice, I do already get the 15% from his take home pay, he can't really avoid paying it or hiding his income from me as he works for my parents.

He seems keen to let me stay in the house until our daughter is out of full time education, whether he will pay the mortgage till that point is questionable. Even if he paid half of it I could manage on that basis, I just know that if I co-habit with someone else, the goal posts will move and he will become completely unreasonable again.

As I explained, my earning capacity may well reduce to zero because of my disability so any agreement we make, has to take that into account and it has to be right for me and my daughter. I'll only get one chance at it and I don't want to find myself disadvantaged.

Kind regards

Kim

Hi Kim. Part of the Ancilory Process is to take a look forward at any future changes to yr life as long as the youngest child is not in work. So for at least 5 years whilst your youngest is in full time edu you should be pushing not to have a Clean Break settlement. Yes things change if you cohabit. There is no way round this. But what you may wish to do is to retain the house until after yr youngest is 16 and sell up then and split the proceeds. This will be in yr favour anyway as selling now will not be as lucrative (in theory) as in say 5 years time when hopefuly the propery market is back to normal. But all options are open to you and you have to think of how you will be with yr disabilty in 5 years. On this basis you have to plan for the future somwhat and what is or may happen to you in regard to yr disabilty. C.