am i being too critical?

Hi Peeps

it just struck me how may disabled Peeps there are here - I was just wondering if there is a correlation between leaving someone who is disabled and D? ........... and if it is statistically higher than say, affairs or mutual disagreement on carrying on as a reason?

dd

erm not sure what you are trying to say here? are you suggesting that disability might the reason for a marraige break-up?

Certainly being disabled brings different streses and strains on a relationship - I speak as someone who has had ME for over 5 years, and my mobility is at times zero - but for me it wasnt the cause of my marriage failing, but my ex's uncanny ability to spend all day in the pub and all evening drinking at home.

Ruby

Exactly - spending all day in the pub - what was he trying to get away from? - did he, by that I mean, stbx, (or did you suspect) he seemed to use it as a 'trigger' ? (from both sides) to have an affair etc ?

- I mean no disrespect to anyone, but there are quite a lot of posts by peeps/stbx's talking about being diagnosed (now or previously) with say depression, stress, being a workaholic, being an alchoholic, being physically disabled.....did you feel that this might have been/ or was a contributing factor to the other party having had an affair/gone cold/ become disinterested/ leaving?......

I understand that we all come here from a myriad of backgrounds and stories

just curious.....

dd

He drank all the time because he is an alcoholic (thats what they do, regardless of the situation at home) - it was him that left, and had an affair just 6 months into our marriage.

I didnt leave or have an affair.

and thanks for the implication he was in the pub to get away from me

Ruby

It wasn't directed at you by implication - sorry if you felt so.... but as we all know, trying to find a reason why, is difficult - it is evident that some partners leave because of reasons that seem inexplicable - is is because they can't cope with the disability?

((((hug)))))

dd

Ruby

Exactly - spending all day in the pub - what was he trying to get away from?

that wasnt aimed at me??

I cant speak for others, only from my own experiences. And no he didnt leave because I have ME, he left because he was given a choice, the marriage or drinking.

Guess which one he chose?

So the reason is drink, and how important that is to him, and how unimportant I was to him.

I have to say - I find this thread in poor taste, those of us that have been abandoned (because that is what he did, left and avoided his responsibilities from then on) find it hard enough to cope with being ill/disabled AND the emotional turmoil of divorce without being told its our fault for being ill in the first place.

dd,

my ex was a depressive alcoholic. I did everything I could to try to make things better.... became the breadwinner when he could not/did not work, paid for childcare and domestic help ... and spent every last penny on trying all sorts of cures ...as well as dealing with pyschiatrists etc.

My life suffered and so did the children. We had no friends - we did not dare invite anyone home for fear of what they would find. He became suicidal and I was terrified if I could not get an answer on the phone because I was scared about what he had done to himself and maybe even the children.

When we separated it was because I just snapped I guess .. it was compassion fatigue with knobs on. And once he was out of the house there was no way he was ever coming back. Subsequently he has been diagnosed with a neurological disorder. I cannot help suspecting it is connected to years of alcohol and prescription drug abuse. Had this happened in isolation and he had been a good husband and father I dare say we would all have coped ... as it is it came at the end of years of a descending spiral taking us all into some kind of horrible hell.

The children and I got out .. thank goodness we did.

HAdenoughnow