Advice please?

My partner left his wife and the divorce is imminent. My being in his life contributed to his final decision to leave but the marriage was not good for sometime beforehand.

I am not looking for sympathy (and nor do I expect any!) but some serious advice if possible.

I earn decent money and own my own property outright. When my partner left his wife and two children, we rented a property for the two of us to share but due to his much reduced salary (compared to mine) I pay all the rent. However, I don't live there full time as I need to be in a different part of the country for my work and so I live in my own (owned) property, staying up our rented house once every other weekend.

His marital home is up for sale with the split of the proceeds agreed by him and his stbx. Of course, the current situation means that no sale is imminent. He also pays child maintenance.

We are about to buy a property together of which I am paying the vast majority and we will have a Deed of Trust drawn up on the split. One of the main reasons I wanted to buy was I didn't want to continue paying rent and I am in the position of being able to purchase a second proporty. The living arrangements will remain the same, me spending the majority of my time in my current home and just spending every other weekend at our new (joint) home.

We have a joint bank account for all the bills (gas, electicity, telephone etc) at the rented property and will continue to have the same with our soon to be completed purchased property. He pays for all his general living expenses, food and fuel etc from his own bank account as do I for my property.

So, what is the problem? Well, we have just discovered that his stbx has run up the most incredible debts on credit cards and via the bank and the bank is calling in the debt. His job is on the line at the moment due to the economic climate and he is already on reduced hours. The bank has already said that it won't allow them to increase the mortgage to pay off the debts and there is no knowing how long it will be for the house to be sold, though the mortgage is being paid each and every month by my partner until it is sold and the equity divided (there will be some). I am therefore concerned that I may find myself liable for her debts due to my income and assets and the fact that I am about to purchase this new property with him, although mainly with my money.

She has history with poor financial management and so there is no reason to suppose that there will be any change in the future, if anything, she is likely to be worse if she feels that either I would help or be ordered to help, if that is the case.

So, does anyone know if I could be legally forced to assist or whether she would have a right upon any of the money in our joint account? If she does and I remove the money to my account only, would that just be seen as obstruction? I am frightened that all that I have saved and worked hard for all of my life may be claimed by the stbx or ordered by the courts to pay off her debts and that I will continue to be responsible for this and that knowing this, she will run up more and more debt.

Hi Clarisa. Absolutly not do you have any liabilty for this debt. Its nothing what so ever to do with you. Usualy after seperation then the person that acrues the debt must service it. However, if that debt was say run up to make repairs on the house where the children lived or some other such **important** reason then the debt would be between husband and wife. If this debt is say the result of purchasing designer cloathes or a ferrari then no. Its hers. But in both cases, you are not involved. What often happens is that becuase he is cohabiting, then he has more disposable income due to the fact that he is sharing living costs with someone. But that fact only impacts his ability to pay either Spousal maintenece and or Child maintence.

His stbx could request to see yr income etc. But you dont have to and I suggest you dont. But at the end of the day its your choice. The only other thing is that becuase you have a joint account then they can request to see that and they may pick over it and look at expenses over £500. I think its a very big possibilty. They will trace large payments to other accounts and request to see disclosure on those as well. This is where you may be asked for disclosure if one of those accounts is say yr savings or other accounts. Not paying bills etc.

Divorce is a cival matter and you cant be forced to do anything. Its not like criminal law. Hope this helps. If not PM me and I can help further. C.

Hi Marshy,

Thank you for that. I am very comfortable with our joint account arrangements. We only put in £150 per month (each) purely to pay the bills and every single penny can be shown to do that. We both maintain separate accounts for any purchases that are for our own use - clothes, social, food, fuel etc.

There hasn't been any dispute about the amount of money he pays for SM or CM but as she now has huge debts to pay off and as it will be the children who are likely to suffer for her previous extravagances, doubtless there will a request for additional money from my partner. He, I know, will do all that he can to help, but that is why I am concerned (tho, I appreciate it may sound like I am just being selfish). As I said, his own job is under some threat due to credit crunch and so even if the courts cannot demand my money be used to sort out her debt, I do worry that she knows that I will do what I can for him (and in turn the children) and so she will see me as her new meal ticket and continue to build her debt.

Thanks tho for the information and help you have given.

Hi Clarissa. Thats ok. I understand. You have probably worked hard for what you have and I can understand that you will be torn between helping your partner and just throwing good money after bad. Just do what you think is right. Best ones, C.