Lonely and sad

Hi Oddsocks. 1st thing you must do is achieve acceptance. If you dont get to this stage you will be asking the **why** question all the time. This stage is the hardest to get to and some never make it or only partialy. You cant move on until you accept what has happened.

You can have a social life at anytime and I suggest you look for a new social life. Having friends and being able to mix and mingle is at our core and makes us feel less isolated. So go out and have fun. But dont drink so much that you end up the night sobbing and txting the ex at 3AM. Not a good day out and you will just look an utter plank and will make U feel worse.

I am nearly 3 years down the road now and I still at times wonder why certain things were done and how could someone that was supposed to love me could do these awful things. The answer is **becuase they can**. Simple enough answer and it wont mean anything to you right now but it will in time.

Look around you. People treat each other in the most awful ways. Its just a people thing. And just becuase someone loves you dont mean they cant hurt you. People that do bad to those that they love are bad. And you are well rid oddsocks. Just thank your lucky stars that you found out and not had to suffer for years and years to come. Breath a sigh of relief.

Feelings for the ex. You wont lose these feelings for some time. If we had hearts of stone we wouldnt feel anything and thats bad. So its good to feel. Makes us what we are. Without feelings, there wouldnt be no joy. No happyness. No feelings of utter peace. So to feel is good. But feelings is a double edged sword. When we lose someone we feel grief and abandonment and that hurts. It makes us yearn for the one we have lost and drives us to distraction. You know he is a total plank and you know he has done us wrong but that dont help us at all. The head knows we should feel like this but the heart dont listen to the head and we are torn. You cant tell your heart how to feel.

But the realy great news is that love fades for those that we have lost to another. Its like a bucket with a hole in it. And in time the love just drips away. And one day you wont have those yearning I wana just talk to you feelings. It happens slowly. But there is no limit to how long this takes. Just keep telling yrself how much better off you are without him and what a bas**** he was to you and that he doesnt deserve yr love and soon enough you will be able to climb out of this hole you are in. C.

As ever C you are a star, such wise words. I will keep reading these replies and get stronger bit by bit and one day I know I will wake up and feel free....free to be just ME. X

C

you've put in a way i can't - thanks

dd

Hi oddsocks, I'm in a v similar situ. My ex, who once said the thing he was most proud of in his life was our marriage, decided actually someone else's wife was better.

After 4 months it still hurts but in a different way. I still hate seeing them together but I don't feel as though my world is collapsing anymore and I don't want him back.

The hardest things are breaking the habits, who to talk to about your day etc but it does get easier. There is nothing you did, I can guarantee that and yes it is unfair but at least not being with him you have the control back and you can decide what's fair and what's not.

Good luck
xx

Throwing Muse wrote:

........ it still hurts but in a different way. I still hate seeing them together but I don't feel as though my world is collapsing anymore and I don't want him back.......

.......The hardest things are breaking the habits........

TM

Spot on!!! - 'the breaking of habits' - thanks

dd

Hello Oddsocks
I really feel for you - 10 months on I know how you are feeling - or at least something similar. It really hurts it breaks your heart and you dont know how to get out of it.
The answer is day by day, some days are good some bad. Set yourself nice little goals to get to, a bit of pampering, a day out, a visit to a friend, anything to get you through each week and have something on the calendar to look forward to.
I have joined two book clubs, a walking club and a supper club, wasnt easy but its a start, I now know people in my area and have made friends- all female!! Im hoping somehow Ill make some male friends at some point.
Marshy is wise and has hit nail on the head, take in the wise words.
Today I started my day off by crying but I had lunch with a new friend and picked up my teenage son from school and now I feel better than I did this morning.
You will get through it and be a different person. Being strong is really hard but it is possible and I wish you well and send a big hug, if you lived near me Id ask you round for a bottle of wine or a cup of tea.
Take care of yourself and know that you are a valued person, hes made the mistake and you will come out of this better, it may not seem like it now but it will happen.
I cant see the end of the tunnel yet, but I know I have done nothing wrong and Im not a cheating liar. you will get there
with love
GF

Hi Oddsocks

Yes, I am another person who never thought that my stbx would cheat or lie. We used to discuss the subject and freely admit to eachother that we would not and could not do it. Guess what? After 23 years of marriage, he had an affair for 7months and left me, came home, telling me how wonderful I was, then proceeded to leave and come back 5 times. Now he has moved in with OW.

I no longer love him or want him back, but its all the hurt and pain that I find difficult to shed. I am better not seeing him, but having children means that I have to see him, and each time I do, it sets me back. I also think that he is a changed person, and I do not like this new person, this is a good thing because I am thinking rationally and have accepted that this marriage is no longer viable.

It takes time Oddsocks and the best thing is to take each day as it comes, there will be good days and bad days, but as times passes those bad days will occur less and less. Your self esteem and confidence will grow as you realise that you can cope, you can go and do things on your own, you can make new friends, in fact you can do whatever you choose.

Keep posting, blogging and chatting, wiki peeps will always help, you can get through this.