Hi there

Hi coconut... I can so relate to your last comment!

I guess it's hard, in the aftermath, to work out just why we got together - where the problems came from - why it failed - what is says about us - what we should learn from it etc. etc.

In the end, we have to move past it, one way or another. I'm pretty sure my stbx didn't love me... I'm equally sure that, at times, he thought he did. Does it make a difference? Not now, but we separated 3 years ago so perhaps time is the key.

People do to us what they feel to and what we allow them to. They don't have control over us (though it often feels they do) but they do have a shared control over our environment / situation. This is what we create when we enter into a partnership with someone. It's a risk and it seems to be based on trust. We have to take resposnibility for risks we take and for our own learning as a result of it.

What we don't have to take responsibility for is the actions of others. That's for them. We take what we can use from the experience and move on with that. Everything else is just baggage. According to me...

Good luck and keep moving

Shezi

Hey coconut

Unfortunately that is the nature of love for some people. I reckon that there are those who think they know what love is, yet have probably never have or never will experience true love.

True love doesn't always come from both sides, simply because like most things, we all have different interpretations of it. Ask any number of people what they think it is like to be really loved or to really love someone, then ask them to break that down into the experiences that led them to hold those beliefs.

The variation might be why some people feel that their love is unrequited.

Most people who are attracted to each other can share stuff, closeness, tears, laughter and so very many of lifes' experiences, and do so quite well for years. But that isn't what constitutes real love for another.

There are actually some people who will never be happy with their lot in life, be it love, status, where they live etc., They are lifes' Rocking Horse Winners, no matter what they do it will never be enough. They will likely only ever feel contentment for a short while, and angst for quite a lot of the time.

With that in mind, it is much nicer to think that some of us hold something very special that some others will never posess....

Inner contentment.

I reckon many of our exs dip out there big time.... only my opinion, feel free to ignore.

hallo Coconut and welcome to Wikivorce

Kind of you to offer yourself as a husband, but I haven't got rid of my current one yet and when I do I am fairly sure that I won't want another.

I too would like someone to love me. But in the meantime I am loving myself and really enjoying my own company.

Ex clearly didn't feel the same way, he was seeing someone else while we were still living together and too dishonest and cowardly to tell me.