Moving On

My husband moved into another womans house 3 1/2 months ago. The woman was a friend and neighbour and still having them living up the road is torture, having to see them everyday. I generally see him or hear from him most days as he is helping me with decorating the house that we bought together a couple of years back to live our dream. We also have dogs together which I need help with as I work an hours away from home so cannot manage them on my own. Even after all this time and the immense hurt and heartbreak i am going through, i am still struggling to cope with the situation. I feel lonely and dispite everything i tell my friends i would love to have him back, if not just to get him away from the person he's with now. I constantly put on a brave face to him and friends as i'm sure they probably all think i should pull myself together, but I cannot seem to do it as I've spent the last 14 years building a future together and it's all disappeared in such a flash. How do you move on I just want this heartache to stop?

Hallo Doglost and welcome to Wikivorce

Of course you can't move on when your husband is round all the time helping you with a joint project towards what you thought was your shared future.

Can you arrange to be out of the house while he does this or find someone else to help with both the decorating and the dogs?

When the house is redecorated would it be possible for you to sell up and move to nearer your workplace?

3.5 months is very little time. I was still crying every day at that point and I had wanted my husband to leave.

I'm fine now, but that's 10 months on and after a lot of counselling, anti-depressants, this site, joining new clubs, making new friends and renewing friendships with old ones.


To move on you have to accept that it is over. Your future is different and it is up to you what you make of it. But there is a process of grieving and anger and so on before you can get there.

I know you're right and that I need to give myself time. I feel like its helping him being around often and getting on well with him when he is here, espeically as I know she can't stand it. It's rather gratifying to know that I irritate her more than she does me at the moment. And knowing that life isn't so rosy in their household because of me is very satisfying.

Thanks for replying as I really didn't think anyone would!

DL

I know how you feel - yes, it is satisfying knowing that things ain't rosy on his side, but you're also going to feel down about it (that dreaded rollercoaster) at some point - don't dispair - it's all quite normal, and the ride will get easier - promise.

NRN has given you some wise words!

If you're able to come to the Windsor Wikimeet (or any of the others) in June - do so - I went to my first one in Windsor on Saturday past, and it was fantastic to actually talk instead of posting (which is quite a solitary thing) - lots of people who have been/going through the same thing, but despite all of our problems, we all had a fantastic time - we were the only group of people having a great time - it's good for you and you realise how many friends you actually have out there!

But that said - time is the key

keep posting

dd

Hallo again

Schadenfreude is a cheap emotion and at the moment you are focusing on making his new life tougher (understandable as the other woman is a former "friend").

But to move on you need to focus on YOU and not worry about what he/she/they are doing/saying/thinking/feeling. They won't be thinking about you.

Do come to Windsor if you can, DD is quite right we had a brilliant time.