Confused

Hi,

It will soon be my 8th wedding aniversary but me and my husband are in the process of seperating. He instigated this when he told me he still cares for me but no longer loves me. The hurt and pain I felt was like nothing I've ever felt.

Looking back over the last two years, I've started to realise that we drifted apart and that I'm in love with who he used to be not the person he is now. This has been a great help to me in moving forward. When I told him that that I accept it's over and that I don't love him anymore, he was very hurt( how did he think I felt) Since then he keeps calling me when I'm out wanting to know who I'm with and when I'll be back. i went out with an old male friend of mine and he could not handle this, accused us of having an afair. I'm very confused with all this. I'm hoping all will work out well in the end.

Nadia:unsure:

hallo Nadia and welcome to Wikivorce

My husband was quite horrid to me when we decided to separate. He didn't like it when I was upset but likes it even less now that I seem to be coping quite well without him.

It's very difficult to just stop all your feelings for someone. Even when you don't wish to be with them, you may feel resentment that they might be happy with someone else.

It's also likely that your husband having taken control by saying he wasn't in love with you any more, feels insecure because you have taken control by getting on with your life.

nadia,

Think of you and how you feel. What works for one may not fit another. At this moment you are needing support, compasion, empathy, me time etc...be good to yourself...as no one else has the power to make you happy.

Elle x

Thanks, you are absolutely right. I guess being part of a couple has always meant that he's needs came first. It is actually quite nice to only have to worry about myself.

Nadia
xx

Hi Nadia

Welcome to Wiki.

I agree with what you said. During my marriage to my ex he always took priority. Admittingly that is what I was always told since a child - that you have to take care of him and make sure he is happy....i did all of that at the expense that by the end of it all i was a non entity. i did not even consider myself worth of any love or consideration whatsoever.

It has been a difficult journey but now i see that i am worth soo much - that my loyalty should be first to myself and that if someone else cant appreciate me than its their problem and not mine... it is a wonderful revelation.

I wish you best of luck with the whole process and remember you have found here a great place for support and understanding.

Take care
Claudette