Just managing to keep going

Fridage,

Sorry to be a while coming back to you ..

From what you say, there is just 60k in the FMH - and whatever your pension may be worth ....

If it is a local authority one, it may be fairly valuable.

There would seem to be no financial gain in selling the FMH; you need it for the boys anyhow - and are likely to carry on needing it for a long time - especially if they go to uni.

She has chosen not to work - but a court would expect her to - and to pay CM if she is the non resident parent.

Would it ease your finances if you put the mortgage onto an interest only basis if it is not already? You could see if you could get a reasonable fixed term then at least you would know what you would be paying for the foreseeable future .. although you may need her signature to do that ..

You should definitely apply for tax credits as a single parent ASAP. And do make sure you are getting the CB.

This may be one of those rare cases where it is appropriate for you to retain all of the equity and for her to have her "share" via a pension share. I would be interested to see what others suggest.

Hadenoughnow

I've just got back from work and heard she has applied for and got a job nearby and intends to rent near to us. I feel completely powerless to control the impact she has on us and at the moment I'm really angry as she seems to be able to choose what she wants to do while I'm left to work myself into the ground to manage and now I have to have her nearby to rub in the fact she's free to do as she likes.

I have arranged to see a solicitor soon and start divorce but now worry that the kids will want her to be a large part of their life and I have to accommodate it and present them for her when it suits her.

Sorry if I'm not making sense I'm just frustrated and feel I'm being taken for a ride. I understand the children want to see her but she has all the nice bits and I have all work and worries.

It may not be as bad as I think and when I'm more reasonable perhaps I'll see a positive side, in the meatime thanks for your support and advice.

Hi

I'm on my own with four children, and have been for over five years now.

Two years ago my ex moved in with and has since married someone in the same small town. Ex will see the children on average for about 3 hours a month. Its four weeks today since he last chose to see them.

I'm not saying don't worry about the children seeing more of their mother, just also be prepared for their mother not wanting to see them. For a while, ex lived a two minute walk away, and when the children 'just turned up' and walked into his house, they were quickly sent away as it wasn't a contact time.

I have now got a 24 hour notice of when he feels able to see the children, as he was continually cancelling contact time. If we're busy, we say no.

The emotional fall-out from that, especially with my daughter, was very hard to deal with.

In time you its easier to accept that this is the life she's chosen. Ex does rub my nose in it still, but the children are used to my disinterest in his life.

I totally appreciate your frustrations, and the feeling that you're being taken for a ride. I lost everything due to my ex's debts (married for 20 years, house was sold), and even my solicitor said that he was laughing.

It can be incredibly difficult to be a lone-parent in this situation.

I know your tired, but do try and fit in as much fun as you can with your children. DVD night on a Friday works wonders (we have a popcorn maker). They know we can't afford to go out.

My very best wishes