advice needed re managing difficult divorce

I am 36 yrs old, married for 14 yrs with 2 children. He left the marital home 7 mths ago and is now living with the other woman, although she's only his landlady!!! I'm still living in the FMH with the 2 children. My stbx is giving me minimal maintenance for the children but no further contributions for the house or the mortgage, he is the major wage earner. Stbx has started contact visits at his address recently.
Throughout the marrige and the separation stbx has been controlling and manipulative. Since the separation he has regularly threatened to reduce the maintenance for the children. I am in the position that the finances are very tight and can only just pay all the bills and expences. Now the stbx is having overnight contact with the children he is entitled to reduce the maintenance that he pays. This will leave me in the position of not being able to maintain this.
I don't want to move house for the benefit of the children, as they have undergone alot of stressful changes in the last few years. Also as I have no savings I would be unable to find the money needed for deposit for rental property.
My younger child is currently reluctant to stay overnight with stbx.
I would really appreciate any advice or information on what to do next.

Couple of quick questions as some people will want to know:-

1. Who is currently paying the mortgage. If you are you paying the full amount, speak to the mortgage company see if they can do a payment holiday or just pay interest only.
2. How did you calculate the maintenance is this only the child maintenace and is any of it spousal maintenance
3. Have you started divorce proceedings
4. how old are your children - If old enough their wishes may be taken into account.

5. WELCOME TO WIKI - HAVE A BROWSE AND YOU WILL SOON PICK SOME THINGS UP!!!

Hi jane

Welcome to Wikivorce. It is the place none of use expected to use, but it is a great place to get help, advice, support and friendship as you go through divorce.

First thing with your situation is that in divorce, priority is given to housing the children, and the parent who looks after them. How old are your children? It may be that the youngest is too young for overnight stays.

Legally your husband is only required to pay child maintenance of 20% of his net salary, and as you say this reduces if he has the children more than 52 nights a year.

You should be looking to agree to split the assets of the marriage so that you can be housed adequately with the children. This can give rise to either a preferential split of the assets in your favour, or your husband paying you spousal maintenance, or both.

A couple of things you should be doing now are to contact a solicitor and have a free half hour consultation. The family law practice that advertises on this site is a good start, if you want to see someone face to face you can try a local solicitor. Secondly contact your mortgage lender, if the mortgage is not interest only, try and change it so that it is. Thirdly make sure you you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled to. Try this site www.entitledto.co.uk/

Take care

S

Hi,
1. I'm paying the motgage atm at interest only.
2. He's only paying child maintenance not spousal.
3. I started divorce proceedings last week, it's my solicitor that's told me that legally he can reduce maintenance by 7%.
4. Boys are 11 and 13.

Hi, boys are 11 and 13. I thought exactly the same but my solicitor, I filed for divorce last week, has told me he can reduce maintenane by 7%. I'm only paying interest free but it's very high and stbx knows that i'm struggling and can't afford new clothes/shoes etx for boys never mind anything else.

jane,

If you can give us this info, we can advise you better about what is fair re your finances:

Ages

Length of marriage (+ cohabit)

Incomes
(inc tax credits if applicable)

Children - ages and genders

Arrangements for children: nights with H with W

Value of FMH

Size of FMH

Outstanding mortgage on FMH

Value of other assets - inc Pensions, savings, endowments, antiques etc - in sole or joint names

Any liabilities - debts, loans etc.

An estimate of income needs is also helpful.

Hadenoughnow