2 years down the line - does it ever get easier?

Hi,

I have been separated for almost two years, within that time I have settled the financial side of things but my problem is that my stbx won't come to an agreement over our childs care. Once I get this sorted I hope to move on. Since I left the marital home this has been a constant headache and its really wearing me down.
12 months ago I gave up with him constantly being awkward with my solicitors letters and with escalating legal bills (I pay for my own) I relented and we have had a verbal shared care agreement.

Things have now become unbearable.

For the last 2 years I have been flexible and from Monday through Friday he has had free will to choose when he sees our child to fit around his work but I have insisted on alternate weekends to keep a routine which I always understood was the best thing to do. Initially he took him 3 days every week and in the last 6 months he has alternated between 3 days one week and 4 days the next with alternate weekends which has been great with no problems. Last week he told me that he has decided to changed his working hours and is going to give me a 4 week rota in which he will lay down when he sees/I see my son and I will have no say!! Also alternate weekends are no longer suitable and he will decide on those too. He proposes every 4 weeks I will have him for one full weekend and 2 split weekends. I feel I have been so fair, why is he suddenly being so unreasonable and I am allowed no say? This is so very wrong but I feel backed into a corner and bullied.

And I have told him this is completely unreasonable and that our childs care involves all three of us not just what suits him. He won't listen. Its like he has changed overnight into the nastiest person and I don't know what has brought this on (maybe his new partner?). Now I can barely speak to him. My child is hurt as he has no interest in listening to him either and I have the stress of having to get this sorted through a solicitor once and for all with all the stress and expense that goes with it. To top it all he has refused my suggestion of mediation and told me I may as well get all my solicitors letters sent elsewhere as he has no intention of replying to them.

I hope to gain some support and insight from you all, its going to be a tough few months.

Pinks,
his attitude isn't fair on you or your child, my children are grown up so I can't help with the legalities. I'm sure you will get some good advice on what is likely to happen if he attempts to ignore the legal process. It's my understanding that you have to have a statement of arrangements for child access before you can get divorced what has happened to that ?
Tets

You're right, I can't get a divorce until we have a child care agreement in place and signed which the courts are satisfied with. It was inevitable that I would reach this point. I just hoped that since we had got into such a good routine with no problems that it would it would pave the way to be done amicably. Instead its changed for the worse.

To top it all he has refused my suggestion of mediation and told me I may as well get all my solicitors letters sent elsewhere as he has no intention of replying to them.

I bet if you applied for a residence order and permission to relocate to the other side of the world he would reply


What you can do is apply for a contact order to regulate contact. However,practicalities are a factor and his working patterns are relevant so there is likely to have to be some sort of compromise.