Advice needed regarding custody of children...

Hello all.

Basically I'm desparately in need of some advice regarding my separation and need to know whether my wife has the right to remove our children (two young boys aged five and two) from the matrimonial home. I don't want the marriage to break up and have told her that. I am willing to do everyhing to make it work but she is hell bent on separating now with the assumption that she will take our children. She can go if she wants because after all, she is her own person and I respect that but can I do anything to prevent her from taking the children at least until we're divorced?

I fully intend to fight for the custody of the two boys because we've agreed that I will retain the marimonial house/home and at the end of the day, the children are settled.

It's just that basically at this point I don't want to come home to her moving out and taking the children with her and in the process completely destabilising them in a way more than what will happen anyway.

Bloo

Lots of mothers leave and take the children with them; some mothers leave the children with their fathers. Some fathers leave the matrimonial home so that the children can stay their with their mother.


The bottom line is that both you and your wife have parental responsibilities for the children.

Staying in the matrimonial home, if possible, may be a familiar and secure thing for children in the upheaval of their parents' marital breakdown. But regular contact with both parents is the best solution for them - security comes from knowing that mummy and daddy love you, not that you don't have to change bedrooms.

Your talk of "fighting for custody" is alarming. I assume as your wife wants to take the children that she would be opposed to this. You both face huge legal bills and months of wrangling.

Personally I think shared care of the children would be better all round and something the courts would look on favourably.

Who is the day to day carer of the children? Do both you and your wife work?

Thank you very much for your reply. It certain has highlighted the mountain that I have to climb with regards to doing what I think is best for my children in the long run.

Just to answer your question however, my eldest son is five years old and so in full time education and my youngest (ywo years old) is in nursery for a couple of mornings a week at the moment. My wife and I both work and so by day, we are reliant on her mother to pick up my younger son. However, I now will start working from home and so can tailor any work that I do around any responsibilities that I will have for my children. I will be able to drop them off at school and nursery in the morning and will pick them up as normal as I already do. Presently my wife has to drop the children off at breakfast clubs at the school and nursery. This will negate any dependence that we may have on anyone. My wife is not in this position; she has to work standard office hours

IF you go to court you can act in person with little cost. However, is there any way mediation or talking can work? If you wife moves out what is she proposing as the arrangements for the children. I assume that even she expects that they will continue to see you. I would suggest that you may be better establishing her proposals first and at least get something agreed as arrangements for the children. At least then if you do need to go to court you have a basis on which to start. If the arrangements are not acceptable to you then you can say that you were forced to accept them as an interim but better to have something that gives the kids an interim framework. Maybe it will work so better to just discuss what is possible without saying lets agree an "interim" solution while we run of to court.

The court process isn't too difficult or scary. What its likely to decide depends on the two of you, your circumstances and what has existed so far (ie who has been the primary carer so far)

I think that the main point of contention here is that my wife seems to think that the children will be best served with her and therefore will want custody. She has said that she will allow me access. I however think that they will be better served with me and I will allow her open access. Again I reiterate the point that I will not have to rely on others as she will have to during the working week coupled with the fact that I will retain the matrimonial home along with which comes the familiarity for our children. Again I reiterate the fact that they're settled at home, have their friends around them at home and so are in familar surroundings and are settled in their respective schools and nurseries.

Bloo. I understand your point about the main area of contention. It assume that you have not even got to finances yet. I assume that you accept that the children will spend time with both of you. Therefore it MAY (i am not saying will but just giving a view on the brief info available) be better that wife moves out and you have interim solution. If you are not happy with that solution you can then go to court but at least you have arrangements that are working to the benefit of the kids in ther interim. If they don't work and/or your ex has to rely on others then that will be self evident rather than you suggesting that these things may be the case.

If you knwo the question of custody (residency) will be a contentious point then consider initially avoiding it for the sake of getting some separation