Hello

Hi everyone.

Recently been told by my wife of 15 years that we are finished. Have two children 12 and 14 and a mortgage.

Feeling lonely, vulnerable, confused and guilty for not recognising the signs. Blood pressure soaring but weight dropping so not all bad.

Does it get better?

Glad I've found this site for help and perhaps some support.

Best wishes to all

Hi there,

My wife - we have been together for 18yrs left me and my two boy's (13 and 15) in January this year.

It was a total shock for us. Can you give any more details. Did you see it coming? As for the weight loss, I have lost almost 3 stone since January. Seriously, if it has just happened you need to be strong for your boy's and take care of yourself.

Brunswick.

Hello and welcome to Wiki

Yes it does get better definately. Mine happened five years ago and i suggest you take one day at a time, small steps, number one look after yourself (Keep that BP under check) dont make any hasty decisions.

Take time to read these posts, theres a wealth of information on here and some extremely helpful people.

Try and keep your days busy to occupy yourself, spend time with the kids, your family and friends. I think at times like this you do find your real friends, I used to write a little journal, just for myself, my thoughts, goals etc.

I do think you become a stronger person because of this process, although i wouldnt wish it on anyone.

Take care of yourself.

Thanks Brunswick.

I think the worst part is not realising how unhappy and upset my wife was. We have had ups and downs through the marriage but always worked out any problems - or so I thought. My wife has recently gone through a significant change at work and her attitude seems to have changed with it, in some ways good in other ways not in my opinion. She has and will always be a great Mum and we are both trying to protect the children as much as possible. In a strange way I wonder whether subconsciously I assumed we would stay together just for them.

I think we both took each other for granted and I now feel guilty for not realising it but I don't know whether I feel guilty because of her or the children. I am still seeing the children at least every other day and after the initial feelings of shock, anger and hurt my wife and I seem able to have a conversation without arguing over everything. Each day is I suppose a little better as I come to terms with and accept that she no longer wants to remain married.

Still, good to talk to someone, really appreciate you taking the trouble to respond. Cheered me up no end. Sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Hope you are well.

Thanks

Thanks Minicooper.

I certainly agree that hasty decisions need to be avoided. This is difficult as there are so many things that I want to do and say that I should perhaps have done previously. However charging ahead like a bull in a china shop would cause all sorts of pain and anger.

I am begining to feel a tiny bit better each day as I suppose I accept the situation more. I have stopped trying to fight for the marriage which was an incredibly difficult thing to do and I hope it was the right thing to do. Wife is being very good about seeing the children and while she has broken my heart I can at least that she is doing eevrything as am I to consider the children and their feelings to us both.

Understanding the process of a break up has helped and I think that if my wife and I are both sensible moving forward the future may soon look a little brighter.

Blood pressure being checked again tomorrow and hopefully some good news will be forthcoming.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post, it really is appreciated.

Best regards

Hi HappyC,

You may be in shock and all your symptoms relevant to this. As the posters say, take your time and try not to make rash decisions. Be good to yourself, as no one else has the power to make you happy.

Elle x

Thanks Elle, really appreciate your support

Best regards