Intro - I don't feel so isolated now

Hello

I've descended into madness, come back and gone back down again over my wife of four years (together for 8)

She had two girls when I met her, so they became as good as mine. We hadn't got on all that well for the past two years I guess. She is a very beautiful woman with a striking figure, a real head turner in fact. Hitting 40 last year seemed to unleash a different person and she bacame very distant toward me and the rows we had increased in frequency and our love life suffered.
She asked me to go to therapy myself as I 'didn't know how to deal with agruements' and the clash in personalities was getting worse.

I obliged and went to therapy on my own, then she came for one session, but she has had a troubled past and does not like the dirty linen in public one bit.

One evening she came home from work and out of the blue pounced on me and we made love like we hadn't for literally months. From nothing to passionate sex - I didn't complain but thought it odd.

Lying together afterwards she said she had the perfect solution to our troubles. An open relationship. I felt a little uneasy at the thought this, but agreed as I wanted to make us work, and if truth be told, I too thought it might just do that!

She was insistant I 'go first' but offers of sex don't come out the blue (well they do for her due to her model looks and surgically enhanced bust - yes - i paid for that!!)

I made something up to see what would happen - I said I'd slept with someone, and she seemed relaxed about it. Then 2 days later she actually did it.

I didn't know at the time, but the day after I decided to come clean and say I didn't like the arrangement one bit and I had lied. She hit the roof (as she felt as if I'd trapped her) and that was the beginning of the end. We haven't really got on since. I did a bad thing and hacked her laptop to find her passwords. She had text this guy literally hundreds of times and confirmed my suspicions of why she slept with her phone under her pillow!!

We are now divorcing and I think it's not going to be easy as I didn't pay her half the equity when she wanted as I decided to go for legal advice that said to divorce and get a legal Clean Break.

I dearly want to be friends, but I think that moment has passed.
Now she's even saying it's not adultery as she had consent!

So sad

I look forward to getting through this with people on here.

C

So sorry you have found yourself in this situation but you are far from alone.

Lots of advice and support available and do drop into chat for some instant talk!

I know what it feels like to be "played" by the woman that's supposed to love you. I was marrie dto a serial liar who I would have left a long time before if I'd had the guts to do so. Now I have, I wish I'd done it a long time before, just wasted time imo.
It does get better and the best thing you can do for yourself is find a great new life for yourself and start enjoying it.
Ok, it was relatively easy for me as I'd stopped loving her a long time ago but the sooner you start anew, the better it will be for you.