when do you know when to give up

Hello everybody,
When do you know when to give up, im still in love with my wife, but she says she hate me, and doesnt love me anymore, but am i hanging on to the belief that she cant mean it, and that she is just going through a bad patch with me.am i being stupid.
ive not been unfaithful, and that isnt the issue,we have children and i just dont know whether it would be better if i moved out, and gave her space, what do you think.
Any ladies out there that can tell me what she is thinking.
thanks

Hallo Panelman and welcome to Wikivorce

Most of the people on here have either given up or had a spouse who has given up - or to put it another way, decided that their future happiness means recognising that their marriage is over and moving on.

I have no idea what your wife is thinking. Maybe she has decided a long time ago that your relationship is over. Maybe she just needs a bit of space - but what for?

Relationships need good communications. If she won't/can't talk to you you can suggest counselling, maybe joint or individual.

This post has been edited by TeamWiki - the poster has been informed.

Well thanks noregretsnell,
im sorry it sounds like i have struck a nerve, i was pretty down,and in a dark place, and just wondered if anyone had any advice,sorry.
Anyway, on a divorce level, if and when it comes to my divorce, what is generally the split, ive heard the average is 70/30 in favour of the wife, is this true, or is it really all down to how good the lawyer is.

Panelman

the financial split is dependent on a whole range of factors, to get a better idea of what yours might be, pleasse read this post
www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

you might also find this post useful
www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...PLITTING-ASSETS.html

I do agree with Nell in part - counselling would give you both the opportunity to speak and discuss any issues that you may have, and possibly resolve, or work towards resolving some of those issues. lack of communication is a huge factor in relationship breakdown, and your wife may feel that talking to you would too painful for difficult.

Only she can tell you what she is thinking. It took me almost 2 years to realise that my ex was never going to stop drinking, and that he had given up on the marriage - I hung on for those 2 years before I knew I couldnt do anymore.

Ruby

Thanks ruby,
ive tried counciling, my wife came twice, and i went 3 times,she says im the 1 with issues, but anyway.. im off again,, im goint to read that thread, and see how it works, grat site this, with loads of helpful people.
thanks to you all.

Hi Panelman

Sorry if my post came across as nerve being struck!

I just meant that this site is really for people facing divorce rather than trying to make their relationships work, so it seemed to me that you had possibly decided to give up.

As you are asking about the financial settlements it appears you have made that decision.

lots of different factors are taken into consideration- the most important being do you have any children and how old are they? Their needs would be paramount.

Move on my friend. If you are living in the past, you are not living your present and future.

My 'husband' had an affair throughout the whole of '08. I was told two weeks before Christmas, but then a week later she ended their 'relationship'. She was also married and a lot older than him.
We then tried to make it work (because I'm mad!?), but he just doesn't love me. This week I made the decision to let him go. I was hanging on like a desperate groupie, living my life by his even though he left me, and doesn't love me (although he was trying to).
I have lost over two and a half stone through stress, I have two amazing children who haven't suffered, but by ME finally letting go just Friday of this week I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You can not be happy, this is not how you should be living your life. It is your life and you only get one go at it.
If she is no longer in love, you can't make her. Its very sad, but I'm afraid that is life.

Let her go and you will give yourself eventual happiness and freedom x

I wish you all the best x