Financial worries!

Finally got my Decri nisi !Am going ahead to apply for the Absoloute for my sanity !The Ex is still in the marital home .The children & me are currently living with my mum & dad as he wouldnt leave.He isnt working,not paying any bills iam still paying the mortage,loans ,insurances,all child costs with the help of working tax credit &child tax credit.Am worried as what Iwill happen when it goes to court.mediation broke down after 10 min as he turned up late ,drunk ,no paper work,lied to the mediator that hhis lawyer had said not to bring any thing to the meeting!If it goes to court & he doesnt cooperate what happens .The time this is taking meanwhile we are living in cramped conditions,he has a 3 bed house to himself his mates!

Hi imms-

dont apply for the Absolute until finances are sorted. Have you got a solicitor? If not, you may need one. At least get a freeinitial consultation from someone, as I rather think it is you and the kids who should be living in the marital home, and I dont know why you should still be paying the mortgage for him to live there.

Hi Constanza thanks for your reply. I have a solicitor who is working on my behalf iam on legal aid so the process is long & painful!when we left i asked him to move out so as we could live in the hous however he refused saying that we could move back while the divorce was going through & live separatlyThis is ok if you are going to do this with a rational person not one who is abusive &violent[drink drug abuse] on talking to the solicitor unless he actually physically does something to me then nothing can be done.My daughter has epilepsy & doesnot need to be living in a stressful enviroment.He doesnt have any assets apart from a % in the house so that is why im thinking about the absoloute.I really dont know how it will go at court as i dont have much faith in the justice system!Iam currently paying for the mortage,house insurances,sec-loan,un-sec loan and all costs of 2 children[no maintenance as he is now on benefits]have to keep paying for everything as if not my creditrating will be affected & i wont be able to get another mortage.The kids have no contact with him,they dont want to [12,17]as they have seen too much& he hasnt bothered.

imms,

Welcome to wiki. So sorry to hear about your situation - dealing with someone who irrational is hard enough ut when drink/drugs come into the equation that makes it even worse. It sounds like you are doing the best for your children. (there are parallels in our situations) It also sounds like you should indeed be able to move back to the FMH - if you want to - when this is sorted. To be able to give you a better idea of what should be fair, we would need the follwoing information:

Ages

Length of marriage (+ cohabit)

Incomes

Value of FMH

Size of FMH

Outstanding mortgage on FMH

Value of other assets - inc Pensions (CETV if you have it),
savings,
endowments,
antiques etc -

in sole or joint names

Any liabilities - debts, loans etc.

It sounds that (like with my ex) the only way to sort this is likely to be via the courts and as fast as possible - there is no point trying to negotiate if he is not rational. Once a judge has decided what is fair, he will have no option but to comply.

Hadenoughnow

Imms-
do reply with all details, as I amsure you should be getting a better and safer deal for yourself and the kids. And really well done for trying so hard to do the right thing, and keeping your end up in the face of this mess!

HI thankyou for reading my message.I have gathered my imformation in this message.Age me 44 him47,cohabiting 7 years ,marriage 14years.Incomes me £9500.00 working&child tax credit £6,341.87.Ex on I believe incapacity benefit since we have left.£87.00 week.FMH rec value £210,000.00-£229,995.FMH 3 bed semi.Outstanding mort £25,803.25,My savings £3000.00,car £2000.00,house in joint names ,Debts secured loan £4,129.95,unsecured loan £4,612.47.I hope you might give me an idea what might happen.However whatever happens my children are happy &getting on with their lives ,doing well in school etc.So Ilook at this & on the whole am positive & am glad I have finally had the strength to leave & no longer have the stress I was living with.Thankyou once more .x

Imms,

I know exactly how that feels ...

My kids too are sooooo much happier without the strain of dealing with him.

I think you need to do some research to find out how much cash you need to get a 3 bed place- shared ownership if there is such a thing in your area ..

If you cd get a place and pay off the debts by selling that wd be a good outcome .. you just need to make sure you have the info - and know what, if any, mortgage you cd raise.

Do either of you have a pension?

Why is he on IB?

Hadenoughnow