Introducing myself

Hello - I'm a 50+ year old male separated for nearly a year from my wife of 20+ yrs.....she is a volatile unpredictable person who, ashamed though I am to admit, I am afraid of. I want to start divorce proceedings in the least upsetting way and to her and my son, who is in teens, and the least cost way. I live in London. any thoughts much appreciated.

If you have been separated for less than a year, you can only divorce on unreasonable behaviour grounds or adultery. Both of these no doubt will be upsetting. If you both agree to the divorce you could let her divorce you on unreasonable behaviour grounds as it would probably be less upsetting from her point of view. The best way forward would be to discuss it with your wife, if you are able.

Hi abc

Avoiding courts is the way to keep the cost of a divorce down, and it will generally make it less upsetting. If you want to divorce then one of you needs to petition the other, and in the petition the reasons must be stated. If you are divorcing for unreasonable behaviour those reasons must be stated. They must be serious enough to warrant a divorce, and so can be upsetting to the other person if they receive a petition out of the blue.

If you have been separated for a year, it may be your wife wants a divorce too? Can you contact her to discuss divorcing?

S

Don't be ashamed. If one person makes another person feel afraid, whatever the relationship, the first person is the one who should be ashamed. Bullies masquerade in many ways and you deserve to live without fear.

Only our children deserve our unconditional love and you sound as though your son is high on your list. Put him right at the top, don't tiptoe around her: show him how to be true to oneself and she will see that she can't control you with temper.

Her volatility won't do her any favours and your son can vote with his feet.

sorry to hear that, but no need to be ashamed, a lot of us have been afraid of our ex's but as a woman it's so much easier to admit it, whereas I think it still takes courage for a man in our society to say this.

I waited 5 years after separating, to file for divorce on the grounds of 5 years separation, rather than do so immediately on the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour'. I had plenty of documented grounds for unreasonable behaviour but was scared to do this & maybe you feel the same.

I think you can get a divorce after 2 years separation, if your wife agrees, otherwise I think it's got to be unreasonable grounds, which have to be stated.

As someone else has suggested, you need to talk to her if possible, she may want to divorce you & could do so on grounds of desertion I think, since you have left her.

Good luck:)

Thanks Deedum that's useful info

thanks itgetsbetter, but she is totally against the idea and is doing everything she can to resist...so it's going to be an uphill struggle...