Hello

Hi, I thought I would become a member and see if I can get some advice on my situation after reading numerous posts from other members over the past few weeks!

I am 28 and have only been married for 10 months, I was with my Wife (who is 25) for 5 years before we got married last summer. I thought we had the perfect relationship, so you can imagine my absolute shock a month a go when she decided to tell me that she didnt feel the same way anymore and that she does love me but not in that way!

I was horrified at this statement as I thought everything was going well between us, she had just got a good new job and things seemed to be going great. I said I would respect her wishes for space and she went to stay with Family for a week; almost 5 weeks on and she still isn't back and it looks like she doesn't have any intention of coming back. I have asked her if she has met someone else and she told me she was speaking to someone a couple of months a go but nothing happened and now she doesnt speak to him anymore!

I am very confused as you can imagine and finding it so hard to deal with her not being there! I can't get my head around how one minute I think we are fine and enjoying days out and meals together and then she is gone with no chance of changing anything or trying to make it work! She has said she has been feeling like this for a while so I must have been completely blind to all the signs!!

Would be good to hear from anyone who may have been in a similiar situation.

Hallo gtlt and welcome to the site no one wants to join

I am not in exactly the same situation as my husband and I had been together (cohabiting and then married) for 31 years when he left nearly a year ago to live with his new woman.

But although he had definitely changed I had no idea he was seeing someone else and he seemed to have become a different person, said a lot of wierd stuff and generally didn't appear to be the man I thought he was.

Lots of people on this site have found that their spouse has suddenly announced they are no longer in love or need their space.

The person left behind feels like a fool, but in reality it is because there is a lack in the marriage of an ability to communicate any dissatisfactions.

You do feel a tremendous shock and it is like a bereavement - anger, grief, disbelief all churn and swirl in your head. Even though my husband's behaviour was so bad I was glad he left, I felt overwhelmed with sorrow and cried for weeks.

I am now in a much happier state, enjoying my freedom to be me. But it did take months of anti-depressants, counselling, seeing lots of friends, reading self-help books and of course this site.

If you feel like talking live to others who are in or have been in the place you are now, pop into the chat room. It gets quite lively in the evening but there's usually someone about who understands.

Sounds pretty familiar to me me mate.

Wife said the same thing to me on boxing day. I love you but I'm not in love with you. We were together for 14 years last 2 of them married and we have 2 kids.

She did not want space just said she had had enough. It's 6 months down the line and I still have not had IMHO any reason for her wanting to leave and again IMHO subjecting the kids to a split and turning thier lives upside down.

Her only reason was I was stressed but I was stessed because she decided to start Uni when we had a 3 year old when she could have waited until school age. Kids were complaining to me that Mum was never there and the only time she saw them was when she was driving them to whoever was watching them next. A hundred other things I could mention also but won't.

She, like your wife, said she had felt like this for a while but as she never mentioned it to me or any of our friends I think it was just an excuse.

I just did what I had to do. Bought her out of house, found someone else and got on with it. We still niggle each other and a lot of this is me being bitter as she even walked out and left our 7 year old son just because he said he might want to stay with me.


All in all mate, be strong, she is being sellfish. She has had her space so she needs to make her up. It's not fair on you to mess around and keep you hanging on. TBH the best thing I did was except what was happening and get on with it. Annoys the hell out of my wife now as she thought I would crumble.