Hi everyone!

Although this is supposed to be the intro section, I'm pretty sure theres going to be a lot here thats going to need splitting off into the other forums

We have been married for 14 years, and have 1 son + a step-daughter from my wifes previous marriage. I've been in the army for 15 years now, but over the last 5-6 the requirements of the job have placed a great deal of stress on the family.

There's been a complete breakdown of communication, and dispite vists to RELATE etc, and an improvement in our relationship, she has said that effectively, she isn't in love with me anymore, and sees no point in us remaining married, although a friendly relationship would be a good thing. There has been no affairs/flings on my side, nor - as far as I'm aware - on hers.

Adding to this, I'm currently in Germany, and she is in the UK, in the family home that we bought a few years ago, having moved there about 18 months ago.

What's really causing a lot of grief for me at the moment is that whilst I (obviously) don't want us to split, I'm having to do all the legwork for the legal bits/finance etc etc.

Its causing me a great deal of stress, especially since I endangered my career in order to get a posting close to home, only to discover that its no longer a requirement.

Unfortunatly, my only experience of divorce was my parents splitting up which was quite frankly horrific, custody battles/children as weapons/financial battles that went on for years. I'm desparate to make sure this does not happen to my son (to the extent that I told her that if things did start getting nasty, I'd cut and run).

Anyway, enough rambling, suffice to say, in a fairly bad way atm

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

this is a site we'd all rather not need to use, but it is a fantastic resource and I hope you will find it helpful and supportive too.

You don't say how old your son is, but clearly he is the first priority. I would assume that he would remain living with his mother but that you would want to sort out contact - and I guess that as you are currently abroad, this might mean lengthy periods with him when you are actually on leave.

The next thing is the finances. Again, providing a home for your son is the first thing (and by implication, his mother and half-sister).

If you and your wife can agree to all this between yourselves that would be much better all round.

If you can't, then mediation is the next option, where a mediator helps you both to come to an agreement. This costs money but is less adversarial and cheaper than both of you having solicitors arguing about it.

There are places on these forums for specific questions as well as for emotional support. We also have a chat room where you can "talk" instantly to people.

Nell