Confused, hurt but having to move on

plum,

It sounds like you have really been through the mill - what a way to betray someone's trust.

You have come to the right place. Wikipeeps will understand what you are going through. Lots of us have a similar experience as you have already seen.

We are here to listen and to support - on the forum and in the chatroom. Do pop in there and say hello - and if you need to chat about anything in particular, just shout.

Hadenoughnow

Plum, so sorry to hear what you are going through. You do need someone to confide in. I talk stuff through with friends endlessly at the moment. I need to get it all out. Purge. All that they do to us will make us stronger. I am having to look after children, home, emotions and practicalities of daily life alone. I have to keep busy and feel 'necessary' but the void he has left is immense. I am surprised to say it, but I am stronger than I was 2 months ago.You WILL be to, eventhough you might not believe it now and probably get frustrated when people say this to you! I've realised all that he has done and is doing to me cannot ever hurt me as much as he will hurt when he wakes up one day and realises what he's walked away from. His relationship with his children will never, ever be the same. Tha's so sad.

I too still feel love for my husband. But to cope I tend to think of him as the 'old' person who I still love; and this 'new' person I don't like at all.

Take care x

Hi Thanks for the support. Today has not been a good day, and now my ex has decided he wants to meet me to sort things out. I am quite sure he means only the financial side of things and the children. He refuses to see that I need to get rid of all this anger, and I need to talk through what has happened to us from the beginning. Maybe when I can get rid of all the anger and hurt I feel, we will be able to move on. The only way he is going to have any sort of relationship with his kids is if he visits them here at home, but at this moment in time, I cannot agree to that, as all I see when he is in the house is him and her together, and the anger starts all over again. I do not know the woman, but she is a mother too, so how could she tear both her own marriage and mine apart? I've asked once again, that he tells all our friends and family the truth, but I am sure he is too much of a coward to do it. Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to be, but I feel he has no right to have his behaviour shielded by me. It is too much of a burden to bear, and if everyone knows what he has done, maybe it will help me to move on, finally admitting that there is no way back from this.

(((plum))))

How horrible all of this is. My husband's entire family have dropped me totally since he walked out in January. They cover up for him when he is away with "her", send sickly sweet cards to the kids but me... nothing! And I am the innocent party in all this, I have come to the conclusion that I was just a brood mare to them and I am better of without them but it is hard thinking he must have told them lies to justify himself to them all.

What I really wanted to say was this... if he really thinks you are unbalanced, no good etc, what sort of father would be be leaving the kids with you in the first place? My x also accuses me of that, has done since he left, because he cannot distinguish between someone in complete emotional distress because of his actions and an actual mental problem. They are much the same once they have a new woman.

Keep strong. Try to keep it together when you see him, I know how hard that is. Write a list of what you want to say, that helps .
Jackie

Thanks. I appreciate the comments. Keeping my temper is the hard part, and once I starting letting rip, I don't know when to stop. I really need to stop pointing out all that he is missing by not living with us anym.ore, I sound so pathetic, and my sister says I'm only feeding his ego this way. He has no family apart from his 2 kids and me, and my relatives, and even although he has hurt me badly, it breaks my heart to think of what will become of him if this floozy decides to move on to pastures new. Even if she sticks with him, she has a child of her own, she will spend Christmases and birthdays with him, while my ex will be totally on his own. I really do need to get a grip!