Hi

Hello,

I am so glad I stumbled across this site, as I am totally lost as to what to do.

I just turned 32, have two little boys (3 and 2) and have been married for 4 yrs. Im not an English national but European. We bought a house after we got married, but because I hadnt lived here long enough I was not eligible to be on the deeds. I paid the deposit though and all the legal fees - 30k altogether. I also paid for both our cars, another 8k but one cr is in his name.

My husband expects me to do all the housework,look after the kids and go to work in the evenings, so we get by, he does nothing and the way he talks to me has become worse and worse over the last year, to the point that our friends now comment to him and me that they find his behaviour towards me wrong anf inacceptable. He has systematically ruined several friendships for me and is trying it now with another one as well to try and keel me away from people.

I do admit we havent had sex for a long time, but I had a very difficult pregnancy with my secnd child and suffered from severe eczema to the point that I totally collapsed. He ignored all that nad pushed for me to fulfil my "marital duties". Since then it has gone from bad to worse, him pushing for it more and more - every single conversation is about sex, which starts to physically repulse me by now - and he also wants to include certains practices and other people in the bedroom.

I cant deal with this relationship anymore, I feel I have done all I could to be a good wife but he is expecting too much and I dont want to be in this relationship anymore. He is threatening to take my children away which is biggest issue for me, otherwise I would have walked already and I know money doesnt matter but what we have now is because we used my savings for it so I want it back.
i just dont know where to start with this all, neither family is any help they all think i made my bed and now i have to lie in it so to speak.

Mary

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, though from my point of view you are being terribly abused, and that is wrong and must stop.

I'll try to give you a few thoughts on some of the items that you have posted.....

Firstly, I would go and see the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) and try to get yourself registered as a 'tenent in common' on the house - this shall show that you have an 'interest' in the property.

Secondly, despite everything he cannot 'take your children away' from you. In all cases the law in the UK is heavily weighted in favour of the children and their well-being......which means that you and the children will always come first, including meeting your housing needs etc...

Don't dispair, all of us here have had a really rough time, and the experience that is shared on this site is huge.

Welcome to Wikivorce and please keep on posting - many others shall be able to give you a lot more advice than I can

take care

dd

Hi, you poor thing.

Great advice from Disappointed Dad, but please ring Womens Aid - they have people there who can talk to you 24/7 and can offer really good advice to all women in abusive relationships. And that is what yours is by the sounds of it. I was also in one, it just took longer to get so bad.

Take care of yourself, keep in touch with us all, we are all having the same problems as Dad says.

The womens aid number can be found on the internet, or pm me for more advice.

Be strong.
Jackie

Thank you for your replies - especially from you dd as I am being made to feel as if I am totally unreasonable! Thank you as well sadface it feels good to know I am not alone.

Without wanting to defend my husband, his behaviour is very influenced my his parents - his mother in particular - and it actually improves considerably when he is not around them.

He got upset yesterday when I packed my stuff and moved into our study and he is now willing to go to relate for councelling something he has not considered before.

I am now pondering if he deserves that chance or not?

mary_pullings wrote:

Without wanting to defend my husband, his behaviour is very influenced my his parents - his mother in particular - and it actually improves considerably when he is not around them.

Mary

Sounds like ex mother-in-law who has taken upon herself to be her daughter's 'defender', bad-mouthing me to the children, calling me unspeakable things, telling me that I'm a bad father etc etc etc..... all the while my stbx just says nothing

When stbx petitioned me for the D, I was blamed by ex m-i-l for causing her daughter stress which she had to go to hospital for a week.... this accusation then seemed to dissapear off the radar (bells started ringing for me).... stbx came home with a whole lot of medication which I checked up on the net, and it transpired that it was for genital herpes!!! - seems stbx was a naughty girl!!! (wasn't me because we hadn't had a physical relationship for 18 months up until that point)

My ex m-i-l is an unstable, deranged woman (4 failed marriages)and seems to be taking out her madness and frustrations on me through her daughter's divorce.

dd