Hi All

Well hello to all.

I am new to this site and wish it had been around a few years ago when I was going through the worst of times.

Just to introduce myself. I went through a very messy divorce, then lengthy contact proceedings and finally the finances with my ex.There was nobody else involved and she knew how much I wanted to be a father to our daughter and decided she would try to use everything she could to severe contact.

I fought through the system and told the truth and eventually her stories caught up with her. I have a contact order to see my daughter every other weekend and a week during each of the end of terms.

She absolutely loves the time with me and loves her grandparents to bits. (she will be 6 in August). Her mother is still incredibly difficult but I have tried to do the right thing by my daughter throughout and really belive kids can see who and what you are for themselves.

Was relieved to think theat the whole court experience was a distant memory. Unfortunately in the last few weeks been told she wants to emigrate to Canada talking our daughter with her. I realise she will need my consent but will have to get some sort of modified contact order to leave. Trying to get my head around it all.

Anyway apologies for the long intro. Reading some of the postings is absolutely heartbreaking as to how decent caring people are suffering. It does help to realise you are not alone and share experiences.

Hope I can help some others here too.

Hi

You sound a wonderful caring father.

My parents split when I was 11 and I ended up living with my dad when I was 13, because in essence I was always closer to my mother than my father even though he was the cause of he breakup in that he left my mother for another woman. However, he left that other woman and I had the most wonderful life with my father and stepmother until sadly my stepmother died when I was 20.

Anyway, the above is just background chat to the fact that I believe it does not matter whether the child is female or male as to whether or not they are closer to their mother or father. It is just a fact of life that a child is often closer to one parent than the other.

You seem to have reached good enough contact arrangements for your daughter and yourself and you have clearly always put your little girl's interests before your own.

However, now you are in a very difficult situation. I think you have to consider whether Canada would be a better place for your daughter to grow up than England. And perhaps that is the whole essence of this. She is still tiny. If she was a teenager I would perhaps say "let her go and live there". I would have said that because it would be a fantastic place for her to experience the remainder of her childhood years, but she would also be old enough to travel to and from England to visit you.

Let me cut to the chase - my view - my 6 year old daughter - no I would not agree to her living there. My father lives in Cananda now. Lovely place, certainly it is. But your daughter's relationship to you will bode her far better than any experiences she will have in Canada. Supporting her mother to take her to Canada, I believe would not benefit either your daughter or yourself one iota.

As people often say, its not how much money one spends on a child that counts, its how much time one spends with a child.

Canada or regular, quality time with her father - Im afraid dad wins all the time. Canada will always be there. Your daughter's childhood will not.

Jo x

Thanks for that Jo. Really appreciate another perspective at a time when you can imagine my head and heart are spinning.

I have not taken legal advice yet as I am still reeling from the news. I was under the impression that as I only have contact for 20% of the time that the courts would take the view that her mother could do what she wanted. That refusing her consent to emigrate with our daughter and join her new husband would be deterimental to the ex and so adverse on our daughter.

I agree absolutely I have been devoted to my daughter when I have had her and gone through so much to have that contact. Despite all that happened I never wanted to make our daughter a battle ground, but this restraint was not shown by the other side. I do firmly believe a child needs both parents. Heavan knows there enough children out there who don't have a choice in this. Don't know if she is old enough to have a say in this legally bu also not sure I would want to put her through what I can only imagine would be a traumatic process. Sure that the other side would try to coach her. She is a smart kid but she would be orn up by it.

I do wonder about this marriage and how long it will last but also whether emigrating is another way to try to break contact. As i said I have always tried to do the right thing not bad mouth her mother or her actions and be myself in the hope as my daughter grows older she will know who and what I am and know the truth, that I did not do anything wrong and put her first. Agree absolutely that the most important thing for a child is to get quality time, care and attention from their parents.