Hi

New to this forum - been browsing for a couple of weeks but finally got the courage to take the plunge.

Where to begin? Married for 5 years, relationship for 8. Son, Joshua aged 3. Discovered my wife had had an affair about 18 months ago - reconciled for a bit, and then in October she announced it was all over. We've managed to agree childcare (50/50) and financial split pretty amicably - so I guess I'm lucky there - but emotionally I'm all over the place.

She moved out two months ago. On Friday she told me she'd started to see her boss of the last 7 years.

I've been through some emotional roller coasters during this process but this has hurt and sent my head spinning - I suppose I was still holding out the hope that we could reconcile. Essentially, I'm still not really able to understand what's changed on her part - other than she doesn't love me anymore.

Anyway, that's where I'm at - in some respects I feel fortunate when I read some of the stories on here - but I feel totally miserable and alone.

I know exactly where you are Amis, I was there myself in November last year after my wife of 32 years decided that she no longer loved me and we separated. It doesn't matter how amicable the split is, emotionally, it is devastating.

It is easy for me to say that eventually you will get through the emotional roll-a-coaster and come out a stronger person, but I am sure that is not how you feel at the moment.

Well firstly, welcome to Wiki, this site is the best I have ever found and the peeps on here will help you wherever they can. They saved me on many an occasion.

Second, I am sure that you will be tearing yourself apart trying to understand what happened, what went wrong and whether you are at fault. In a way that is the natural consequence of what has happened, but remember not to knock yourself up too much. It takes two to make a marriage but it doesn't allways take to two to end it. I obviously don't know your full circumstances but it sounds as if you are the innocent party in this case.

Third, try to talk about it. I found friends and family a huge help during the dark days and really found out what friendship really meant. If you are not able to talk through your feelings,either try the chat room here, you will get lots of support and understanding, or start writing a blog to get your thoughts down. Sometimes writing about how you feel gets it into perspective.

I wish I could say it was easy, it isn't but it is also not the end of the world, just, perhaps, the end of a chapter.

I was lucky in a way that there were no young children involved in my marriage, although it has still badly affected my children, particularly my daughter. However, I do feel I am through the worst now and looking forward to a positive new life. I hope that you will to.

All the best and remember not to be too hard on yourself.

LV

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Hallo Amjs and welcome to Wikivorce

When people split up, generally one partner has emotionally moved on some time before the other one, which can make things very baffling and upsetting.

My ex seemingly moved on from 31 years with me to living with someone else with no difficulties, whilst I had 9 months of counselling and 5 months of anti-depressants to help me cope with the overwhelming grief I felt (and I wanted the separation!)

Pop into chat for instant company and support, we are a friendly bunch.

You might also consider going to one of the meetings in the Events.

Thank you both for replying - it's comforting to know that others care.

I had my first night away from the family home for work in a long time last night (I used to travel with work a lot). It caused a wierd feeling of disconnect; as if my "real" life were somewhere else entirely from where I was. Hopefully, this too will ease with time.

Thanks again.

Hi Amjs

Only joined today and know where you are coming from.

I am going through the same process, luckily no children involved. We were together for 13yrs, married for 5 of those. He finished it, changed his mind, tried to reconcile, he finished again. New relationship within weeks with someone who he just happened to have known before the first split!!!! Found this out yesterday:(

Am gutted that I spent a year trying to put a marriage back together when there was obviously someone else in the background. At least we gave it a second go, and can walk away knowing we tried.

Good luck with the next few weeks and hold your head up high;) .