Having a horrendous time

Hi all, I have just joined the group and I am having a really bad time with my divorce. I was physically assaulted by my husband last year which prompted me to start divorce proceedings. Since that time he was manipulative, ignoring me, sarcastic and demeaning towards me. I have now reached the Decree Nisi stage but my soon to be ex will not discuss anything with me and more often than not doesn't even tell his lawyer what he is up to. I had to move out of the marital home as things were getting so bad and I have lost nearly two and a half stone in weight. I am now living in rented accommodation which I can barely afford as my husband took all of his pension out of our joint account leaving me with my savings only. He thinks that he owns the property and land as I am no longer there and has bolted all the doors not allowing me access. My name is on the deed so I don't think that he can change anything. I do have a very good lawyer and I am trying to do things the right way and within the law.
I am slowly trying to move forwards but it is so hard knowing that this man is out for revenge and will stop at nothing to see me suffer.
Has anybody been through the same or can anybody reassure me that there is life outside of all of this angst.

Hi Rose,

I'm sorry to hear your story. How very brave of you to leave your husband in your circumstances. That in itself shows how strong you are and you should be very proud of yourself.

You don't mention how long you were married, but if you are now at the nisi stage then you really need to get financial matters under way through the court. If your husband won't speak to you then he can be ordered to speak to a judge!

If the house is in both your names then you are still legally entitled to have access to it - it's your property, whether you live there or not. Get your solicitor to write a firm letter to your husband's solicitor reminding them that you own X% of the house, and asking for a set of keys.

As for his pension, depending on how long you were married, kids during the marriage, etc, you might be entitled to some of his pension...in which case the fact that he's taken it out of your joint account is irrelevent in the long run - he could still be forced to give some of it back to you.

Get your solicitor to start the financial proceedings asap - it's much better to get this all sorted BEFORE the absolute, so they really need to get moving for you.

I'm hopefully nearing the end of all things financial in my divorce, so let me know if you need any help or advice or just want to know the process, and I'll do my very best.

Good luck.

So many thanks for your kind words and it makes me feel so much better knowing there are people out there going through similar and we are not alone having to get through this awful time in our lives.
On receipt of your message I contacted my lawyer and outlined all of my financial queries including the pension query and I will be meeting with her next Tuesday so, hopefully I can get some positive feedback from her and action.
Once again many thanks and I hope that you can also get things sorted.
Rose

Hi Rose

You have done the right thing by walking away.
You post made me feel so much for you.

I just joined this website and my husbands behaviour was a very strange as well. I've decided after 6 years and 2 kids later to move on and hey I'm glad I did. I have stayed in the marital home and he has moved out - he has cooperated fully in that way. Hopefully he wont get difficult now!

If you want to talk - email me anytime.

x be strong, best of luck with the legal proceedings

Rose, get in touch with Women's Aid... there is all sorts of support for you there, and advice on dealing with abusive ex's.
I am finding them very supporting and they know what you have been through, which lots of people cant comprehend.
Good luck.
Jackie