have no idea what too do

i hate myself for this self-pity but im so desperate i cant help it. my wife is going too leave me and i have no idea what to do. i only just managed to get her to move back into our home after she had an affair,which nearly killed me. she asked me to change to be more positive and for us both to be more "grown up" yet she seems unwilling to change herself. i have only tonight resigned my self to the fact she is going to leave and this time i have no fight left in me to try and win her back. i have no family to turn too as my wife helped me burn those bridges years ago i have no friends left as they are all taking her side...(she is highly intelligent and is very good at manipulating people) also she is the main bread winner so i would have to leave our home....and with my shitty wages i could not even afford to rent. in a nut shell im screwed .....i just want too lay down cry and die..and i cant help feeling she is still seeing someone else

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Firstly, see your GP and get some anti-depressants which would make you a stronger person to deal with this difficult situation. Secondly, you don't have to leave the house if its the matrimonial home. If she is the bread winner and your wages are really low then you can claim spousal maintenance.

There are many options. Every solicitor gives you 30 minutes of free counselling and you can get yourself some legal advice.

But first make yourself stronger, being upset and weak won't help you deal with the situation. When you feel better about yourself, you will stop worrying and being weak.

Wikivorce is my lifeline and people here are very helpful. Take care and keep posting.

Hi Matt, you dont have to leave your home, me and my stbx were in a similiar position. He was on a low income so I left the marital home as could afford to rent and understood he needed time to adjust. It is only now 2 1/2 years on when he has a betterpaid job/ new girlfriend etc that I am getting fed up of not being able to move on with my life due to the financial tie.
This site will give you lots of support and advice, and there may be several benefits you are entitled to to help ease the financial strain.
Do you have children? We share the care of ours 50/50 and he claims ctc and child benefit etc.

Hi Matt

welcome to wiki.

The advice to go and have a wee chat with your GP is good advice. At the moment, everything will be over-whelming, and you probably feel like you are drowning. try not to worry about all the ifs and buts just now, and concentrate on taking one day at a time.

you do not have to leave your home - although I understand that emotionally, living in the same house isnt always healthy. If your wife is a much higher earner than you, you may be entitled to Aliment ( spousal maintaince), - under the Family Law (Scotland) Act 1985 there is a general obligation to provide support "as is reasonable in the circumstances" by a husband and wife to each other.

prehaps now would be a good time to try to get in touch with your family? you need support around you, both emotional and practical.

Seeing a solicitor is always worthwhile - when you are strong enough (btw, not all solicitors offer a free intial consultation), shop around, ask for recommendations, or in the first instance, contact the CAB. Wikivorce also has its own step-by-step guide to separation and divorce in Scotland-
www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Scotland/Scotl...ng-The-Marriage.html

Ruby

At this stage I can't offer more than sympathy. A divorce in many ways is not unlike a bereavement. My own experience taught me that you have to have to come to terms with the end of the relationship, in your own time and at your own pace. It is a pity you don't have your family to talk to, but I think at times like this you need to talk ; a trouble shared is a trouble halved.

It might be worth your while seeing your doctor. (s)he should be able to give you something to help your depression, which is
totally understandable, Heaven knows.

Another thing life has taught me is that you need to look forward. You have the rest of your life to look forward to and you need to be positive. At this stage my advice is, firstly, don't leave the house unless and until you have to. Secondly, try to stay calm and try to maintain a reasonable relationship with your wife. Thirdly I think I would see the local authority and see what they can do.

You can recover. My ex was a schizophrenic who took me to hell and back, but in time I got over it, found a supportive wife,
and got out of it without too much damage. You should not be short of support on this site.

Mike 100468

Matt, hi, I know you think the worst is only happening to you, but beleive me you will hit a low then the only way is up. I have had a hell of a time and this site has helped me no end. My end is in site, my ex is due to move out of the home which is sold in the next coupl eof weeks. i am renting. Its been the worst winter of my life, but things do get better. I am in better shape now and starting to feel better than i have in years. Keep in touch with the site and get what help you need.
Stand up and be strong, its not easy, but you have to fight your corner, go and see your doctor and see a solicitor. You do not need to leave the house mate.