I had to do it

Thanks starting again and cinders

I'm going for counselling and trying to figure out why I fell for a man that treated me this way.

From counselling I'm learning a lot about myself that I'm the one with a lot of issues.

I grew up in a male dominated household and that meant I faced a lot of critisim no praises, all the time and when I grew up and found a man I was drawn to a man that treated me the same way my dad and my brother treated me. I grew up in a house where my dad and my brother treated me as a maid. My brother was treated like gold. I just couldnt reconcile why I was treated that way -and I thought when I left home I had left behind all the issues but now they're coming up all over again!

I have incredibly low self esteem even though I am a working professional, I go out everyday and I fake it at least I try to , but now its catching up with me and going through the divorce I have to face all my deamons! I find it hard to tell my friends or cry in front of them...whats wrong with me??

As the kdis I young I have no time to wallow in my self pity, during the week. During the weekend I have time to myself and I wallow - at least I can have time to feel like a wreck and just go through the motions. I find that that is the biggest healer.

You brave person! I admire your courage and wish I had the guts to do what you did when my daughter was young. After 14 years of marriage and a 11 yeard old, a divorce case in courts for the past 3 years, I understand every word you say.

Counselling also made me realise I have been made to feel guilty for everything that went around me by my family and then my usband. It took years of abuse and serious health problems and watching my daughter taking his slaps made me take the action.

The nightmare is still not over as I am now being dragged through contact and finance hell. On the bright side, I am now standing on my own feet and not dependant on him.

All the best to you.

Thats a shocking story - from the outside, it's easy to say what seems the obvious advice on such an abusive relationship.

Within, with emotions involved, it's not always easy.

My wife was never abusive or violent, but her mood swings were something I never learned to deal with, and ultimately asking me for an open relationship was a huge wake-up call that she was bored and wanted to have the best of both worlds (Despite denying that, to this day - she says she suggested it as a fix to our problems!)

In standing up to her, I have infuriated her, which kind of makes it easier to see the true person, but like you, STILL hard to turn off feelings completely.

Stay true to your intuition. Not been on here long, but some very good advice from a lot of people that have been on the roller coaster from hell and still got off smiling.

There is hope.

(I keep telling myself!!!)

Thanks Choll

Its so hard, the what you call the emotional roller coaster! I'm so stressed, only the other day I finally after 6 years did I decide to go to the doctor and get some anit depressants and when I took it. My jaw felt so light my muscles around my head were so tight I couldnt breathe. I've always been on "gaurd" for this mans emotions to flare up. I still have to mentally say to myself "he's gone stop stressing" but I still cant let go I cant stop stressing or worrying! I'll have to try mediation or something.

I found that all my issues were also sidelined and that everything was about him, his issues, his wants everything about me has dissappeared.My mother had huntingtons and she was so sick - I didnt have time to think about her..nothing ...no time for my dying mother..how sad is that

..who am I? I have no idea? What food do I like? I've been trying to please him for so long...thats how i was brought up...its other who count not me. who am I ? I'm still trying to find myself! 34 and dont know how funny!

Hi Bulawayo

Your story is almost identical to mine! I left when our children were pretty much the same ages as yours are now - that was 22 years ago and I haven't regretted it yet.

If you want to chat - just pm me

Shezi