not sure where to go from here ......

Hi,I'm Kath,

As of last night I want to divorce my husband of 30 years for adultery.He has been lovey dovey to me on the surface but it turns out been sleeping around for the past 2 years.We have been separated for 6 months,(he needed time out!)but has been drawing about 20,000 from our offset mortgage ac.He says he will play fair but not if I put a hold on our a/c, then he will draw it all down and not pay any bills.I have never had anything to do with the money side of things but there does not seem to be any form of security for me until things are finalized, I am terrified and can't begin to describe the hurt and revulsion that I feel towards him and myself for my utterly stupid faith and trust in him.Even getting a lawyer a.s.a.p. it seems, cannot stop him from doing this. I work part time and we have two adult kids. What can I do to protect myself?

Hi Kath


For a start freeze the accounts, once money is gone it can be hard to get back, 20k so far

Dukey

Hi Kath,

Oh dear, 30 years is a long time to go before things fall apart.

Infidelity is always a problem and often even if the other partner doesn't find out. Do you know why your husband began having affairs, were their any signs or warnings before it bagan to happen? Also, I have to be honest and say that usually, if 2 people have been separated for 6 months then the partnership is completely over. Perhaps your husband was trying to come to terms with the breakup and was 'looking for love' from anywhere and was unsuccessful by the sound of it.

As for the money, don't be held to ransom, you must immediately take drastic action such as freezing the account as has already been suggested or, you mention that it is a mortgage account so perhaps speaking with the mortgage company can cancel this facility? Hopefully it is just an idle threat by your husband but can you afford to take the risk? Don't be worried about the money side of things as it's easy and you'll soon get the jist of it all.

Lastly, are you both being silly and could you possibly forgive him for his affairs if he was prepared to 'start again' (I don't like the expression 'try again')? Try thinking forward to the next 5, 10 and 20 years and ask yourself if you would or would not both be better off staying separated or getting back together. Do you still love each other and possibly more importantly, despite the revulsion that you feel for his recent sexual activities, do you still like each other?

All the best,
Jerry.

Hi

Freeze accounts and don't let him control you. Get yourself some free legal advice. Speak to your children.

Get a divorce and get shut of him. You will never forgive him and you will hate yourself if you stay with him.

You are too good for him and in the not too distant past you will be grateful that you got shut of him. Only weak men have affairs.

Jo x

sounds like a manipulator to me katey, don't depend on him doing the right thing or keeping his word.
if he can have affairs behind your back whilst acting all innocent to your face, who knows what else he is capable of.
if you are only working part time you may qualify for legal aid, which i imagine would be a great help, also go to see your bank asap and let them know exactly whats going on.
ask the bank about switching to an interest only mortgage as this would reduce the cost considerably, i did that and am paying half what i was before.
the very best of luck.

chris.

thanks a lot for replying, especially the advice about interest only mortgage.

kath

There is a legal mechanism under section 37 MCA 1973 to stop this, providing you can demonstrate to a court he is drawing funds with a view to thwart a proper financial division. Take legal advice on it.

Amanda