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Hello,
I have been married a long time, got married very young. have 3 sons and a daughter, aged from 21 down to 13. Our marriage is over, but he is still living in our home and now has a new woman in his life. Just deleted all the paragraphs I wrote about how our siuation came to this, because I am finiding it quite hard to come to terms with how I have lived like this for so long. I feel so ashamed, even though I know it is his behaviour towards me that was wrong.
I want him to leave and go away, not enough equity in our house for us both to buy anywhere else to live. I don't earn enough to buy him out. All four of our children including two over 18 still living here. I want to keep a roof over their heads, but I cannot live in same house as my husband any longer. Our children all want to stay with me.
I found the courage to stand up to him, which I think is why he found himself a new woman, if I wasn't going to comply he had no further use for me. But now I don't have any courage to take the next step. I feel so tired and depressed and worried about the future. I don't know what to do next and don't have any energy left. I need to be able to see a future for myself, but all I see is a big blank grey sky.
Little Nell.

Hi Little Nell.

I just want to say a few things to you. I wont lie to you and I have a habbit of telling it like it is. So here goes:

This is not yr fault. You did everything right. Having a go doesnt give someome the right to betray them. He didnt seek out another becuase of anything you did. They do this for a number of reasons and those usualy are 1) They are missing something in there lives. And you cant give it to them. 2) They are weak. They cant wait until the divorce is over to start again. And are prepaired to dispose of those that are surplus to requirements. Like chucking away an old worn out shoe. There are other reasons but I wont bother you.

I want to say something about courage and the future. When we think the world has turned against us and we have nothing left we scrape the barrel and find a little more courage to get us thru another day. Step by step little by little we walk out of this great big hole we are in. Becuase when we are at the bottom of a hole all we can see is black. But as we climb higher and higher it starts to get lighter and lighter. But you will slip back now and again. But keep climbing. Even if its an inch a day then its an inch back to the light. And one day you will climb over the edge into the sunlight. And your life can begin again. But its a long climb. It will be the making of you. This is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. Or the worst thing that can be done to you. Everything after this seems trivial.

So take heart in the fact that many have faced what you face. Many have climbed out of the hole you are in. Many have seen the light. Many have faced absolute dispair and have triumphed in the end.

The future is like a blank piece of paper. Its upto you what you write on that paper. Your future in your hands.

Ok absolutly the last word: Wikivorce works becuase we all help each other. Together we are strong. Apart we are nothing. And we all hold hands climbing together. So keep coming back and sharing your problems. And one day you will be on here helping others. Like me. Paying it forwards. C.

Hallo Little Nell

Very spooky seeing your thread as my nickname at home is Little Nell!

Welcome to Wikivorce.

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you have taken the first steop so well done.