hello i am new

Hi - I have been in an awful marriage for 3 years and suffered terrible physical, emotional and financial abuse. My husband has cheated on me and even called me her name more than once. he constantly flirts online even in my prescence and tells me he has had lots of woman becasue I am so ugly. My friends live at least 160 miles from me and my family have virtually disowned me becasue I married him.
I am such an emotional wreck and feel so weak and pathetic. I have a very responsible job and the acquatinces I have confided in have told me that I should leave becasue i should understand an abuser more than anyone, but i am in pain and very confused and need support. I dont understand the reason i have accepted his behaviour but I loved him so much maybe i still do.

Hi brige

Welcome to Wiki.

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

The main thing you need to do is to ignore what your husband says about you. When you are in a relationship with someone like that, they will say all sorts of hurtful things to try and break you, lower your confidence and make you dependent on them. Remember if you are ugly like he says then why did he marry you??? He wouldn't have done!!! So don't let comments like that get to you.

You say your family have virtually disowned you because you married him. Well everyone makes mistakes, and it takes a brave person to admit them. If you were brave and spoke to your family, acknowledged your mistake you may find they are very supportive.....and if they are not supportive you have not lost anything by admitting your mistake.

You will get lots of help, advice and support here so keep posting and maybe try the chat room.

Take care

S

Hello,
I'm new to. I've been with my husband for 11 years and married for 3. What you're going through sounds terrible and although he has never hit me, I do get the emotional abuse and flirting with other women, particularly online -the most recent one I found today. It's broken the straw of my proverbial camel.
I to am in a responsible job (a head of dept. in a secondary school), but my husband likes to refer to me as 'the stupid woman'. I don't know what I do wrong and the tears of humiliation and anger are getting worse and worse. My only fear are the childen. They adore their dad and I'm petrified of losing them or he making things so difficult that I crack up.
He says it's all in my head, but I know it's not. I'm sure it's not and if I was so crazy as he says I am then surely he'd want to divorce as well? But he doesn't.
I'm scared. Don't know about you. But we've got to get out before it destroys us.