time to introduce myself

Dear All,

I thought it was time I introduced myself after lurking in the shadows for a while. I'm afraid it is rather a sad and pathetic little story, though I'm trying to get through it by laughing as often as possible.

OK married for 15 years, with a fantastic 9 year old. About 10-11 years ago, we had a bit of a wobble, hubby 'working hard', staying out late, claiming to be very stressed etc. I then stumbled over some e-mails from a work mate saying how brilliant he was, and other such things. Foolish girl that I was, I believed him when he said I was being silly and she was just going through a rough time and he was helping.

Fast forward and to last year, and he starts paying alot of time with a family friend. It gets worse. It is like watching him replace me with her. (She's also married with kids) I keep ignoring it and eventually I challenge him over it. Guess what, still doesn't admit to having an affair, but walks out, as he needs time to 'think'.

He finally admits to getting 'emotional close' to the other women 10 years ago and argues that he can't stop seeing the current one as she needs him. (And that was what I thought her husband for!)

I'm not in a nice place at the moment. She is still living with hubby but going round to see MY husband whenever she likes (hint to men having affairs, not a good idea in a small village). They even go to church together! I have to put up with seeing her at school, childcare, events. And all the time hubby is wingeing about how miserable he is, how difficult it is for him and how much he misses his child, even though he will choose to spend time with her rather than his son. I've also realised how badly he has treated me over the years, his selfishness, his emotional and verbal bullying, his excessive spending on himself.

BUT I have discovered that I have some of the most amazing and supportive friends in the world. And that my little boy is just so much happier without a dad who alternated between ignoring him or yelling at him. So even though they don't know this is me, thanks to them for keeping me sane.

Sorry this has been a bit of a ramble, but very cathertic for me. Thanks for reading to the end.

welcome, sorry you find yourself here but you are amongst friends. they have been such a support to me - take care of yourself and your boy. SA09

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

Sounds like your husband is from the same mould as mine!

You will be better off without him and with the support of your friends and this site you will build a better, happier future.

Pop into chat to talk to people.

Nell

I am a man who happened to pass thru all the phases that you and your hubby are passing thru now.

I live now with my second wife, the one I had the affaire with. A real miser and self-centered very successful female doctor.

My ex ( The one that was in your shoes ) now looks like an angel compared to the shark I married.

My advice to you : Lead an independent existence, achieve some success, look and feel beautiful. Make him see what he is throwning away.

I really regret the time and expense I spent on on that new woman. I long for my ex. who has moved on and shown me how blind I was.

Do not stoop to his level. Make him yearn to rise to yours.

Good luck dear

Thanks for all the comments, I know I'm in a horrid place at the moment and eventually it will get better, but I've got a feeling it's going to get worse before then. I am better off without the lying, cheating git, but it still hurts like hell

Mgebali, a really interesting post. I'm sure at some point he will wake up and realise how many people's lives his screwed up, but as he's never taken the blame for anything in the past, I'm not holding my breath!

Sounds like you've already started to take stock and realise how much better you're life will be without him.

He sounds like a carbon copy of my xtb. I also have a wonderful support network. My daughters, my family, my friends, OUR friends!

It's not a straight road that you find yourself on but hopefully it won't be too far to travel. Put your feet up and watch his life unravel!

Take care.
Flick.x

Welcome aboard Whyme?

Wikivorce is a very supportive place to be and you will find lots of peeps here who stand / have stood where you are right now. Many will understand exactly what you have endured and will know what you need. Don' be afraid to ask


Mgebali wrote:

I am a man who happened to pass thru all the phases that you and your hubby are passing thru now.

I live now with my second wife, the one I had the affaire with. A real miser and self-centered very successful female doctor.

My ex ( The one that was in your shoes ) now looks like an angel compared to the shark I married.

Mgebali: how absolutely brave and honest of you to post as you did. Welcome also to you. To have your perspective on things is just as valuable.

Shezi