Newby... my turn to say hello

Hi everyone
I guess its time to introduce myself too.
It looks like there is a lot of support on this website from others suffering the experience of divorce and separation.

My story is typical. I have been with my husband for 16 years, we fell in love very quickly and deeply. We moved in together after 4 months and married after 2 years. Everything was fab, lots of love and good times.

So what happened? Who knows? Time and circumstances change relationships but it is so slow you cannot recognise the changes and the rot setting in. Even when you do you are powerless to know what to do.

We had many issues to deal with; his ex-wife, debts from ex matrimonial home and keeping the love and contact with his kids from that marriage despit a 150 mile distance. We held it all together and were a strong unit.

We then bought a house to renovate! Mistake number 1! The strain of that was incredible, while trying to keep 9-5 jobs as well. If you are thinking of renovating a property - DON'T DO IT!

Second problem was when I became ill from hypothyroidism and changed physically and mentally. He doesn't do ill or less than perfect!

We ticked along but our sex life diminished. We replaced love with hobbies, gadgets, toys and holidays. All a distraction from our real thoughts.

The kids grew up and didn't need us as before. We then had a grand child. I hit 40 and soon after he hit 50. Life was speeding away and out of control, next we would be retired and then dead. We hadn't done all the things we wanted; even if we didn't know what they were!

Panic! What to do? Who knows?

I change careers to a much lesser status. He moves up the ladder to superstardom and the bridge between us gets wider.

A job relocation means nights away and before we know it an affair has started. She is bright, slim, career woman of a grand status who understands his work. Everything I no longer am!

I find out; attempt suicide; he leaves and I am now here alone. He has moved his old life to a new town as if me, family and friends never existed.

It has been the longest 2 weeks of my life and I am still in shock.

The future i am told will be bright again but just now it is only dark.

Reading back it all looks relatively common and straight forward mess and we should have seen it coming. We didn't and if when we did we didn't do enough about it.

Simples!

(((((copsey)))))

Big hugs hun, it is a very dark place to be, but you can find the light again, and it will get brighter and brighter!

There is so much support on here and it does help.

Let us know how you are getting on.

PT x

Thanks for you response.
Yes it does seem there is support here and that is great. Friends and family can only give/take so much!
Next step is mediation for the finances.
I'll be in touch x

Welcome Copsey.
Wish you well on this gawd awful path life has taken us. Good that you've found Wiki hun, it's a great comfort and resource. Try out the chat area when you're up for it, nice distraction and timefiller.
One day at a time nall that........

Hallo Copsey and welcome to the site which will give you tons of support.

Despite this happening so recently and your reaction to it initially, you sound very clear-eyed about it, so well done.

It took me about 9 months of counselling to be able to be clearer about my marriage!

Congratulations on being a grandmother too.

I have been separated nearly a year - my ex and I had been together for 31 years, 18 married, and he moved in with a younger woman and her two young children, leaving me with our angry and miserable teenagers. Ex behaves as though he is happy so we should all be happy too and doesn't see the emotional fall-out all this has caused.

I didn't attempt suicide but I did cry myself to sleep many nights and wished that I just wouldn't wake up. So it is grim - but a year on, after the counselling, the anti-depressants, fantastic support from all my friends and family, workmates and the peeps on this site, I am much happier and more optimistic.

There's a great future ahead for both of us.

Do pop into the chat room some time to meet more lovely wikipeeps.

Love

Nell